In the heart or out of it ?

Have you ever wondered if 'out of sight is out mind' or does 'absence make the heart grow fonder' ?

What do you think ?

Teeanage fantasies

I'm back from the holidays, Egypt was great and we had fun at my uncle's house in Alexandria. Some of my cousins are in their teens and they reminded me of myself at that age.

You know when you hit puberty all sort of emotions start raging inside you and I was not immune to that either. I would fantasize about a guy and usually the daydream would be like a movie with the main character him and me and romantic actions. I would describe this guy to my best friend in great details and she would sigh and laugh at me, then we would giggle. I spent a whole summer looking at magazines to find someone I could relate to. But there would always be a detail missing here and there. So many years have passed since I was 14, more than I care to say but at long last the fantasy has been brought to life. This man is the living incarnation of those fantasies.... what am I going to do knowing this vision is walking the earth !




HELP

Five things you did not know about me

Shlemazl tagged me (thanks), I am so excited as this is the first time someone does ...

(1) I am not that old !
(2) My daughter will soon be as tall as me .
(3) I love tight jeans and miniskirts
(4) I read a lot ( yes I do ! )
(5) I like horses and wish to learn to ride one day.

Whoever has not done this please consider yourself tagged..

'Draw me closer' : don't push away my outstretched hand

I don't kow if you've had the time to check my sidebar ? I've collected a number of interesting (to me and I hope to you as well) bloggers, whose common denominator is romance and erotica..

Sheema Kalbasi is from Iran and How it goes naked is her 'literary journey'.

This is my favourite bit:

"I want to be virgin of all the memories, and the life experiences but you. I want to be a markless paper and be marked by you. I want my past, present, and the future to have your name on it. I want to have a body that can be made love to by you uninterruptedly. I want to have a heart that has one city's name on it, the city where you ARE at any given time. I have been handed this love generation after generation to find you somewhere close or even from far to let you know of the truth. Take away the roaming features of Sizdah Bedar from my memory. I want to survive the aching for my homeland from the edge of this country.
Draw me closer. I love you" [read more]

Back

I missed a lot, trying to catch up ! Thanks for still reading me ...

Soul mates & Endless love : The eternal question ?

I had forgotten Valentine's Day but an hour ago the phone rang, an overseas call since I cannot see the number…

He : Hello sweetheart
Me : Hello
He: I missed your voice and am basically calling to tell you Happy Valentine habibti
Me ( oh my God it's him ) : Thank you …soooo much that is so sweet of you

The rest of the conversation was simply catching up on each others news… that's how life is..

Then a bit later my eyes alight on this piece of news "can you have two soulmates?" this is very weird I ask myself can you love 2 people simultaneously, how can that happen ?

Well, I think there is only one soulmate and you are lucky when/if you get him/her… but folks what do you think ? wanna share ?

In the meantime Ladies and gentlemen allow me to share with you my most favourite Valentine card – it's 22 years old now:

Today, I'm feeling the distance between us a little more than most days..
I'm missing your smile, your touch, your easy ways.
I'm feeling a little lonelier than usual,
thinking of you a little more,
and missing the way I feel when I'm with you.
Today, like everyday that you are away,
I'm missing you and wishing you were here...
only today, I find myself wishing just a little bit more.

(Unknown author)

2007

Looking through my profile , I just realized that this blog has been online for over a year now since November 2005, I missed the birthday !

I also have not blogged for a while was too busy with Pearl and family issues.

So here is a late Happy New Year and Eid !

Men Are Hard To Please

The problems with GUYS:

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;

If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.



If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.



If u ARG UE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;

If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.



If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;

If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.



If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;

If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.


If u don't make love with him., he says u don't Love him;

If u do!! he says u are CHEAP.



If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;

If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.



If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;

If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.



If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;

If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.



If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;

If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEM A N.



If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;

If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.



If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;

If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!
& sooo hard to please!!!!!



If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true.......
but if u don't, they say u are selfish.....

Guys is this true ???????

Training the American male

Michelle Fitoussi , in Elle magazine French version, had an interesting article on page 7 of the July 10 2006 issue ( I know it's funny we are in December and I'm ready the July issue, but I have so much on my plate ... ) So anyway Michelle was speaking about some American writer who wanted to train her man to behave the way she wants to and wrote about it to describe the procedure .

Why waste more time I thought this is cool let me find this article and read it first hand.

Modern Love
What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage
By AMY SUTHERLAND
Published: June 25, 2006

Excerpts

"As I wash dishes at the kitchen sink, my husband paces behind me, irritated. "Have you seen my keys?" he snarls, then huffs out a loud sigh and stomps from the room with our dog, Dixie, at his heels, anxious over her favorite human's upset.
In the past I would have been right behind Dixie. I would have turned off the faucet and joined the hunt while trying to soothe my husband with bromides like, "Don't worry, they'll turn up." But that only made him angrier, and a simple case of missing keys soon would become a full-blown angst-ridden drama starring the two of us and our poor nervous dog. Now, I focus on the wet dish in my hands. I don't turn around. I don't say a word. I'm using a technique I learned from a dolphin trainer.

[...] I wanted — needed — to nudge him a little closer to perfect, to make him into a mate who might annoy me a little less, who wouldn't keep me waiting at restaurants, a mate who would be easier to love. [...] Eventually it hit me that the same techniques might work on that stubborn but lovable species, the American husband.
The central lesson I learned from exotic animal trainers is that I should reward behavior I like and ignore behavior I don't. [...] You can't expect a baboon to learn to flip on command in one session, just as you can't expect an American husband to begin regularly picking up his dirty socks by praising him once for picking up a single sock.(LOOOOOL) [...]

I followed the students to SeaWorld San Diego, where a dolphin trainer introduced me to least reinforcing syndrome (L. R. S.). When a dolphin does something wrong, the trainer doesn't respond in any way. He stands still for a few beats, careful not to look at the dolphin, and then returns to work. The idea is that any response, positive or negative, fuels a behavior. If a behavior provokes no response, it typically dies away. In the margins of my notes I wrote, "Try on Scott! " [...]After two years of exotic animal training, my marriage is far smoother, my husband much easier to love. I used to take his faults personally; his dirty clothes on the floor were an affront, a symbol of how he didn't care enough about me. [...] When the training techniques worked so beautifully, I couldn't resist telling my husband what I was up to. He wasn't offended, just amused. As I explained the techniques and terminology, he soaked it up. Far more than I realized. [...] One morning, as I launched into yet another tirade about how uncomfortable I was, Scott just looked at me blankly. He didn't say a word or acknowledge my rant in any way, not even with a nod.
I quickly ran out of steam and started to walk away. Then I realized what was happening, and I turned and asked, "Are you giving me an L. R. S.?" Silence. "You are, aren't you?"
He finally smiled, but his L. R. S. has already done the trick. He'd begun to train me, the American wife."

The piece above reminded me so much of how I handle Pearl; praise here , punish here , subtly giving the message , just the usual life of a mother or Supernanny ( do you recall the TV series ? ).

Funnily enough many people wrote to Amy for advice :

Dear Amy: How do you get results from stubborn hubbies without being accused of
being the “nagger.” — Gail, Tampa, Fla.
Dear Gail: Simply adopt the approach
progressive animal trainers use: reward behavior you like and ignore, as much as
you can, behavior you don’t. When I did this with my husband, I found that I
almost stopped nagging. Almost, I say, because I am human, after all.

It also seems past literatture is ric\ch in books with the same message, such as in 1994 "how to make your man behave in 21 days using the professional dog trainers" - hilarious - what is it with men and dogs ? check the excerpts:

Doggie Dos and Don'ts: "Gentle strokes and playful petting techniques are
positive motivational techniques for rewarding good behavior."
Flight and Chase Behavior: "If your dog is running away from you, the worst
thing to do is chase after him . . . remain calm, act like you're having loads
of fun without him, and soon he'll be trotting eagerly back ."

Some people compared men to buses - ok less offensive than dog I daresay.


"Bloody men are like bloody buses - you wait for about a year and as soon
as one approaches your stop two or three others appear. Wendy
Cope" check her whole poem here .
That's actually quite appropriate to my earlier Baby post .

Do you think we should treat our men like kids ( or dogs ;-) ) and use all those expert advices on them ?

Why can't men be just like women and you don't need to resort to any stratagems ?

Do you think Amy's method would work on Libyans ? Or Arabs for that matter ?

The Baby

After years of waiting you are given the chance to have a baby with the love of your life .... what do you do ?

Having a child toghether was our living daydream, his eyes and my skin colour, my hair and his long legs, etc.. the baby was going to be the cutest thing you ever saw walked the earth.... but hey it was only a dream to be indulged in . He has his own kids and I have Pearl ....

I'm not sure what happened, midlife crisis maybe ? but now suddenly after I had accepted that he will only be my mentor and best friend and after I have stopped thinking about him as a father to my kids ... he comes up out with this suggestion out of the blue :

"let's have that baby as soon as possible ! He /she will have my name, I will be
responsible for everything"

Oh my God ! what do I do ? is he asking me to marry him now after all these years ? He knows I won't be having any kids out of wedlock .. no matter how much I would be crazy in love..
What would you do ? share a man you loved with his family and fulfill you past dream safe in the knowledge that he will take care of you forever. Or go and have your baby with a man you love but don't need to share with anyone but at the same time where nothing is guaranteed except the excitement of starting a new life, new horizons and no complications .......


I like the following prayer very much: [ref] , when i find myself at loss .... but really the timing of this request is very very strange

"God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things which should be changed,and the
Wisdom to distinguishthe one from the other. "

Would you have his baby ? whose baby ? Life is really ironic first you have no choice and suddenly the choices are limitless..... do good things really come in threes or is it a poisoned chalice ?

Clarification 26-11-06 I see some readers did not understand :) the question is should she have the baby with her old love or new love ?

In sickness and in health, till death do us part !

We've been having a lot of sexual content lately I thought I'd tone it down and talk about another important topic between couples. Namely when the man acts like a jerk ( the woman does sometimes too by the way , but this blog is about women experiences , but men are welcome to share their own pain of course ), and Libyan men are not exempt from being total jerks either.

It has always been my understanding that marriage was a serious union -even a steady partnership is or the intention of marriage , and regardless of religious concerns I love the wedding vows expressed here , and if I get married again I intend to insert them somehow in my ceremony. I think the part below is the most meaningful to me and I 100% uphold and believe in it !

"I X take thee Y to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to
hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in
sickness and in health, to love, honour, and cherish, 'til death do us part, and
thereto I plight thee my troth."

But you are asking what brought this to my mind ? Well I met recently with a sister of one of my university classmates, and when we spoke about her sister A. she told me she was married and had two beautiful kids in America. So I took her phone number and immediately called her to congratulate her and talk about old times.

You see A. has a special story, which affected me immensely when it happened. Having spent part of her childhood in America, A. was one of those Libyan girls whose dream was to go back there. All her efforts were geared at securing a Libyan fiance among the US community. It seemed that her dream came thru when she was bethroted to one from a good family. To speed up the process of her visa application they had the Qiran or Nikah contract ( marriage contract) and were officially married without consuming the marriage until her real wedding night though. So marriage on paper still. But she was in everything his wife and was preparing for the day she will be wearing the white dress and pack her belongings and move with him in the home they bought toghether in Detroit. He came to visit in the last summer a few weeks before their marriage party. Invitations were sent to over 500 guests. Camels were bought, sheep were purchased, halls were rented, sweets and food was ordered, all the hullaboo following a Libyan wedding of a first born child.

A. was adamant that she will start her new life by putting into practice what she and N. had agreed on : never to hide anything from each other, and so she decided to tell him about her very recent surgery.
A few weeks before he came, A . felt a lump under her right armpit near her breast, she went to have it checked and had a biopsy and was diagnosed as benign lump; but was adviced to have it removed. Which she arranged for, the incision was not too big and the scar was minimal and not too disfiguring in fact quasi unnoticable. But nevertheless A went ahead and told him, wanted to share her fear and how thank God it was fine, wanting to hear a kind word , wanting a caress , tenderness and love, and most of all understanding and affirmation that she did the right thing and that such a tiny scar was not going to be a problem.

A was about to have her illusions shattered, the cold shower she received , was something she told me she will never forget for as long as she lived. Where did the love go ? where did the tenderness go ? where was the understanding, where were the vows and promises of devotion ? Nothing , the moment was broken and N simply got up and told her " I'm sorry you should have told me about is last week, I would not have bothered to travel all the way to Libya. Your divorce paper will reach you tomorrow ! " and he turned round and left. ... Gone was the dream .. I recalled she called me and made me promise not to talk about this , as tongues would wagger and her reputation would be tarnished . "But you did nothing wrong A, what are you talking about! he is the jerk , he is not worth it, imagine what would have happened if you only learned about his attitude after you actually joined him there ? you are so lucky you found out earlier on , before you actually consumated the marriage. " . "Yes but I'm divorced now " , "so what" I said " divorced is better than abused outside your country and far from your family. You will find the man you deserve. Don't worry ! "

That is exactly what happened, 3 years later, a lovely man also living in America as she always wished, married her , and now they have toghether a boy and a girl, she is tracing her dreams of further education, a home , a job and a family. Hopefully that first jerk will get his come -uppance, dropping her because he thought she may be ill or have a scar and was less than perfect ? Imagine if she had become seriously ill along the way , would he have thrown her out like a used rag ?
Moral of the story , if your man is not prepared to love you just the way you are and support you when you need him most , then seriously to hell with him.

This also reminded me that not being bound in life to someone because sometimes life sucks , does not mean that the person stops sensing or caring what happens to you, and I guess here the 'till death does us part ' bit can still somehow apply. This was eerily demonstrated to me on moult occasions when out of the blue he calls , or demonstrates his tenderness, and how he is still loving me ...
When I feel let down by the whole world I can't forget , how he loved me and still does even when I looked like a scarecrow with all sorts of injections and monitors sticking out of my body for 3 months in hospital , just because he had promised to marry me! How he bribed the nurses to let him come visit me at night after my parents were gone. Of how he looked at me with puppy eyes even though I was diagnosed with a debilitating disease. Of how he never gave up on me and helped me with the oxygen and breathing exercises, and of how my muscles became so weak I had to be wrapped in sheets to be able to stand up and learn to breathe again. And he was through it all facing everyone against all odds until one day I miraculously got up and recovered.

Though he had his problems and we ended up separated, it is difficult when a woman has experienced such a high standards of care to settle for less. I find him calling out of the blue, each time something happens to me, it's like his radars are always on the lookout.
For him I will never grow old , and will remain forever his' Amarige princess'.

Hint for any next romantic interest , you better not disappoint me when I need you most , or you will break my heart, or worse really ruin my health, and you know what I will probably be too shy to even tell you about it.

Erotic mail

If you dream of suggesting a move , a date, or anything hot, and are either too shy to say it in person or are too far apart then Hoochymail is the answer to your erotic imagination.

snippet :

HoochyMail is the first internet service that allows you to create a thrilling,
explicit erotic fantasy about yourself and your special someone, doing all sorts
of exciting and sexy things, in all sorts of exotic and interesting locales!

I have made it a point to test it for your edification and must admit it is POWERFUL , especially when you see your name and that of your object of interest; boyfriend, husband, partner or lover in the starring roles , intertwined together literally and physically .

It is also an alternative to those of you who are engaging or wish to engage in cybersex , as a natural follow up to my previous posts on this topic :)

Cybersex 1
Cybersex 2
Cybersex 3

"[...] getting to know a partner on-line may be a nearly spiritual enterprise.
[..]It's mind to mind and spirit to spirit talking [...]You focus on who he is,
on the inside. Then if his outside is a little heavier or a little shorter than
you expected, it doesn't matter because you already love his soul. [ref] "

Here is part of the test story a special Hoochymail which I have created for my readers right on time for Halloween :

"Khaled nearly fell to the ground, only to see the cat lady, still before him on
her knees, lapping up every bit of his semen and licking her paws clean. She
looked up at him and for a moment, he was so sure it had to be Violet.And yet he
still wasn’t sure at all.
“Meow,” laughed the cat lady, still wearing her
mask, as she stood up to face him. “Well, there you have your treat,” she
smirked. She pranced over to the front door. “Wait a minute,” Khaled called,
watching her open the front door, “Come on, now, who are you, really?”The cat
lady looked over her shoulder, winked at him and disappeared into the darkness,
calling back to him, “That, my little Halloween goblin, is the trick!”

I'm not sure if Libyans are doing it ( I know they have phonesex) but it is an avenue to be explored no ? what do you think?

Those sexy Arab women

Thanks to Rambling Hal, (Hal you are a treasure throve!) I stumbled today on this interesting blog from Dubai to add to my collection of hot Arab women ( see my blogroll for that).

"Past experience has proved that people always look mysteriously dark and
handsome through tinted windows – the dark makes EVERYONE look better than
normal (that's why women like doing it with the lights off)… until the guys roll
down their windows and you realise you've just snared an ogre."

From Sex in Dubai !

The Signs of time












Evolution :)

Ramadan : 'can I kiss him during the day ?'

"My husband wants to follow my mom’s footsteps and try to fast for a few days. I
explained to him the rules; I told him that he can’t drink water, eat food, have
any sexual thoughts, smoke cigarettes, swear, lie, steal….from sunrise to sunset
for a whole month….He said,” I can’t hold you during the day?”"

Reading Leilouta's words in her posts about Ramadan here and here and about her husband, teleported me into the past, to the days when I wanted to know how married couples behaved during Ramadan. Should they cut the sweet talk, the hugging , the tenderness, the kiss before going to work etc... what if they are making love before sunrise ?

All these issues seemed important to me. why ? BecauseI was infatuated with a guy I intended to marry and was not sure whether I should treat him as a stranger as soon as the sun rose . Also the same guy used to take my hand to his lips and kiss it tenderly in Ramadan when we met . So was that haram ? was it lust?

I wanted to ask without drawing suspicion at my sudden interest in the subject . I mean I was not married nor engaged, why ask if a simple non-lustful greeting kiss would invalidate my fast ?
So it was a bright idea to ask my best friend who was pretty conservative and well versed in fiqh.

Violet : "S. habibti , how do married couples behave in Ramadan ? I mean should they sleep in separate beds ? "
S. : " no of course not after sunset they can do what they want"
Violet: " OK what if they did 'you know what' just before the sun rises , do they have to hurry up and wash and purify , it takes all the romance and fun out of it ..."
S: : "no they don't, they can stay in bed until it is time to get up and shower etc.. as usual. Islam is supposed to make your life easy not more problematic "
Violet: " ah ..OK. What about hugging her before going to work for example and giving her the usual tender kiss?"
S. : " I think that's fine too. Expressing emotions is OK you know Violet , you love someone and you want to show that to them. God does not want you to stop demonstrating affection because you are fasting. You are abstaining from food , sex and gossip , not from love and affection. So if you are keeping it decent it is fine to be affectionate."
Violet: " ah you put my mind at rest , I was thinking I needed to avoid my husband throughout that month "
S: " wait a sec you are not even married and you are asking all this , what's up with you ? you going out with someone or what ? Plus you know married couples sometimes don't even wish to hold hands".
Violet ( going red in the face and stuttering) : "well I'm asking for when I get married .."

So I decided that since I loved my boyfriend and he was kissing my hand as a show of affection (because he was not going to be allowed much else) therefore what he did was not haram .
S always looked at me in a funny way afterwards ....

My own fatwa: only you know what lies in your heart, if it was lust then it is haram , if it was affection then it will stop at that.

Happy Ramadan !

The Birthday


Yesterday the phone rang while I was preoccupied with another issue. So I picked up without looking at the ID.

Violet: Hello !?
Voice : Hello Violet , it's me , you're the first one I have spoken to today , it's my birthday and I thought I'd call you for old times sake...you forgot ?.
Violet: I'm so sorry , Happy Birthday, I totally forgot, this year I have not remembered any of my friend's birthdays ...
Voice: It's ok ...I just missed you ... I've been so unhappy - will you ever forgive me ? can we get back toghether, I'm divorcing my wife.
Violet: So sorry to hear these bad news , but no it's too late , I've told you before did I not ?

The conversation continued with some banalities from my side , while I was thinking of a way to cut it short without hurting him.

Each time he calls , he opens the wounds anew, how on earth am I going to heal and stop comparing..It is so hard at times to be strong when you get lonely and you miss the arms, the kisses and the whispering voice..you tend to forget the bad times that made you drop everything and leave and only recall the big love that you thought would last forever. And I tell myself , he has changed , shall I fill the big emptiness inside me again and take him back...there was a time when I believed he was perfect... but since I'm saying 'was' that means he is not and I no longer think of him as perfect...

Oh for those innocent days on the beach when we would swim till we got tired , then eat a pizza or tuna sandwich with juice and salad. Oh for the days when he kissed the floor I walked on and the shoes I wore. Oh for the days when he slept under our balcony and left poetry and flowers on my car - what happened ? why? where has all this gone ?

Damn you A for making me see those ghosts ......

Advice from my best friend



"do not EVER show someone you care too much unless you're married"

Figuring out a guy

I’m always fascinated by how we ladies view female-male relationship. Personally it seems that I never stop analyzing men’s action with my best friends. We would actually relish setting up a date to meet over tea and sweets and seriously sit down and discuss and psychoanalyze the relative merits of our current crush/love/boyfriend/husband whatever…..We wanted to decipher what kind of messages the guys were giving us, based on which we could decide on the next move. If you thought it is difficult to understand a western man’s motives and actions try doing that for a Libyan guy with all his controversies and frustration. Good luck with that ! I’m sure you will give up from day one and think like the Tunisian proverb ‘t7ib tifham iddhukh’ .

However, I’ve been reading the following book ‘he’s just not into you’ and I realized that barring a few cultural details there is not much difference about the messages men give women whether in the West or in Libya ( or Arab world – we need input from other Arab readers as well not just Libyans).


Editorial review

For ages women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone
chats to analyze the puzzling behavior of men. Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
are here to say that -- despite good intentions -- you're wasting your time. Men
are not complicated, although they'd like you to think they are. And there are
no mixed messages.
The truth may be, He's just not that into you.
He's
Just Not That Into You -- based on a popular episode of Sex and the City --
educates otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn't like them
enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end
relationship. This book knows you're a beautiful, smart, funny woman who
deserves better

After finishing the reading this is the moneyshot :( italics are my commentary)

(1)He is just not that into you if he is not asking you out:

-If
he makes an excuse then take it as polite rejection
-Don’t ask him
out because just because you like to lead doesn’t mean he likes
to dance
-If he wants to find you , he will.
-Men don’t forget how much
they like you. So put down the phone .

(2) He’s just not that into
you if he’s not calling you (men know how to use the phone - even if they
say they are busy ).

-So if he’s not calling you, it’s because
you are not on his mind. And if he tells you ‘call me’ , then he really
does not care about you.

-Don’t be with someone who does not do
what they say they’re going to do.
-Busy is another word for" asshole".
"Asshole" is another word for the guy you are dating.
-You deserve a f***ing
phone call.

(3) if you don’t know where the relationship is going
, it’s okay to pull over and ask.
(4) when men like you they want to touch
you always.
(5) he’s just not that into you if he’s having sex with someone
else
-Cheating is cheating
(6) he’s just not that into you if he
does not want to marry you – love cures commitment phobia.
-Doesn’t want t
get married is different then does not want to get married to me. So beware
of the difference maybe it is time to take an inventory
(7) I don’t
want to go out with you, means just that. A break up is a definitive action, not
a democratic one ( I love this ). So cut him off and don’t take him
back no matter what excuses he musters.
(8) He’s just not into you if
he’s disappeared on you; sometimes you have to get closure all by
yourself=> there is no mixed message here.
I like this
particular one and all its subheadings :)

-He might be lying
in hospital with amnesia, but more likely he’s just not that into you.
-No
answer is your answer
-Don’t give him the chance to reject you
again
-There is no mystery – he’s gone and he was not good enough for you. ( I’m sure many of us have agonized over this one ) .
(9) He’s just
not that into you if he’s married ( and other insane variations on being
available) ; i.e. if you’re not able to love freely, then it’s not really
love .

Hmm after reading this it does shed light on Fozia’s
dilemma here. I’m sending her an email to explain this attitude
now. Fozia my dear the man was just stringing you along and had no intention
whatsoever. He only met you to satisfy his curiosity and no he did not feel less
of you because you had phone sex. Hope you get your closure. The guy is a jerk
and is using his son to gather sympathy! He’s a loser and you are much better
than him.

(10) he’s just not that into you if he’s a selfish jerk, a bully
, or really a big freak ; if you really love someone you want to do things to
make them happy.

So ladies stop trying to figure out someone, and reset your standards

And these are the standard suggestions according to the authors :

I will not go out with a man who has not asked me
out first
I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone
I will not date a man who is not sure he wants to date me
I will not date
a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable.
I will not date a man who
drinks and does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable ( well I would not date him
period )
I will not be with a man who’s afraid to talk about our
future
I will not under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man
who has already rejected me
I will not date a man who is married
I will
not date a man who is not clearly a good, kind loving
person.

I’m sure we can provide plenty or personal examples of all the above mistakes , as some of us seem to me masochists and attracted only to those guys with whom the relationship is a dead end. Maybe you can email me or post your ‘mistakes’ and share them with us ?

I would be glad to put them online for you. After finishing this book, I realized that deep down inside my friends and I did ‘figure out’ those men -who where emotionally unavailable to us -correctly. However if we had not dropped them immediately it was through fear of loneliness, not finding a suitable partner, pride or just plain not admitting that we could have been wrong about someone, and ended up wasting so much time with a loser. Seeing it written in black and white is so much better, that's why I'm sharing it with you all and I'm heading immediately to tell my friends about. I am definitely keeping this book for Pearl, just in case I grow to old and forget about these things later on when she starts falling in love.

Courting in Libya: Part III

This will be the final installment for my attemtped 'essays' on dating in Libya. It is continued from this piece here . Because i've brought it up to date thepost is not as long as the previous ones as this is an ongoing development. Readers can add to these observations if they want.

Enough babbling go on and enjoy now :)


By the late 90s the girls became quite bolder, they are dating more than one guy at once and whoever asks them for marriage their will dump the others- that’s very callous and I’m really disgusted. With all due respect to the good conservative respectful girls this is what used to happen. Sometime this is the impression I got, it’s better than watching a TV show.

Basically they are doing everything a Western girl is doing but pretending not to. No one fears going out in a guy’s car, to his flat, to picnics, beaches, hotel rooms, and forests whatever. If it will make him marry you , you do it ! This is the decade where prostitution of Libyan young women has begun to be palpable . It was no longer the Moroccan guest workers (no offense to anyone – but that was our reality here), oh no, they learned from them and were competing now.

Of course there are the romantic and sweet and still well behaved men and women, but unfortunately they have in my opinion been outstripped by a vulgar bunch. The taxis became the pimps and means of transport, the cellphones gave freedom of communication and chatrooms and paltalk ( no idea why Libyans like it so much) etc multiplied.
How did you bump into a guy? Well he could be your colleague, classmate, friend’s friend, friend’s brother just like anywhere else in the world. But the frenzy to get married was always palpable.

My theory : it is because then you can be in a couple legally and have your independence from family as well. I don’t know why I’m cynical about it, it just does not seem that it was done to found a family;although I know ultimately a woman’s dream is that. I felt there was too much cunning involved on both sides.

Well the girls still have to plot and find excuses to meet with their boyfriends, and there are all sorts of fun stories and things taking place. But it just looks like the innocence was lost somewhere along the way with the encroachment of materialism and globalization or maybe I’ve simply grown too old finally to understand them.

Pearl's 4th birthday

Pearl is 4 years old today, we were supposed to celebrate her birthday toghether, but this year she will be having a party with her grandparents and not with me here. So what am I doing ? my boss would not give me a few days off to travel and be with her, and making up for it by spoiling her rotten and fedexing all sorts of goodies to her.

Pearl wants a 'laaaaptooooop' & and an 'ibod' [sic] , she is so bright this sunshine that she knows how to get online faster than she knows other stuff. She knows how to get her favourite games as well. While I hate computer games.

She is too old for this since she already can use the ordinary keyboard and microsoft interface Funnily enough Pearl does not like dolls or Barbie so I can't get her that either. She prefer's guy's things ( if there is such a thing). So in the end I settled on one of these as it looks and feels like the real thing. Thank God for technology and the internet as I'm able to see her and speak to her online today ...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING - TONS OF KISSES XXXX YOUR MUM