Kissing = Bonding

I have always been thinking that the 'secret ingredient' of great sex is kissing, kissing and more kissing but I needed something scientific to prove it. Apparently there has been research on the issue and it was found that saliva exchange through kissing 'increases sex drive'. Thanks On the Edge for showing me that my hunch has been true all along :)

She posted a great article from Live Science magazine about it here.

In my opinion, the increased sex drive not only helps to satisfy the body and work towards that 2 minute orgasm :P but I believe that those long kisses somehow affect your whole being to the point where the earth actually moves, your world shatters, your knees buckle, your heart flutters and you almost faint ? And don't tell me that's what you get during a one night stand or a passing affair.

I suggest you go back to smooching the way you did in highschool ;) or on the dancefloor as we see in old movies to regain that feeling. Advice : don't stop kissing because for the men that's how you will be able to move that woman by remote control, or satisfy her emotional need (from My Personal Space blog). Then in your eyes she will become a Venus (breasts and all) and in her eyes you will become a superman (dragon, muscles and all).

Kissing is the secret glue for love .. is that not ? or am I a romantic idiot ?

The White Tigress and The Dragon's Tail

Reading Ian Kerner's Passionista, "or the empowered woman's guide to enjoying sex to the fullest—and ensuring that he does the same", I collected some cute tips. Whilst a lot of the information provided is not new :) , the method of presentation was fun and extremely user friendly. The conclusion is that the orgasm is not as important as the journey towards it. That journey is defined by each one of us. The successful woman is the one who overcomes her man's inhibitions and tendency to take shortcuts.

But the most interesting bit I was introduced to was the concept of the White Tigress. These are allegedly the teachings of a long extinct secret society of Taoist sexual warriors. I confess I don't know what that means -a sexual warrior-, is that a spy or a gangster group of old times?

For the White Tigress , Eros basically maintains eternal youth and life energy. She could get it in two ways, both involving a male consort

(1) the one she seduces: the Green Dragon ( in modern words her playtoy :P)
(2) an equal partner: the Jade Dragon ( whom she pleasures and derives pleasure from)

The way of the White Tigress reminds me of the Kama Sutra, Tantric Love and other related topics with a mix of martial arts.

Googling White Tigress throws up some gems and some hometruths:

"

The Feminine Heart flourishes in love. Yet attracting trustworthy male energy, attracting friends, or lovers who have a strong sense of direction and purpose may seem difficult to find these days. Many women have spent years developing their own individuality and strength to the point where they have become tired of “doing it all”. Their own natural Feminine Heart has become masculinized, guarded and unsatisfied in love. For a woman to know deeper levels of intimacy, she needs to understand, reclaim and learn how to be at home in the beauty and power of her natural feminine essence." Amara [source].

How many women identify with the above? I'm curious for your input..

Applied in the modern world, the principle if I understand well is for a woman to take her life in her own hands like a White Tigress not to wait for things to happen to be fulfilled.
A modern passionista will 'learn to find the Green Dragon and the Jade Dragon in the same guy' [page 105].

A question for my male readers which type of dragon are you? As for my female readers have you found that dragon ? or is he a legendary being :P

Teeanage fantasies

I'm back from the holidays, Egypt was great and we had fun at my uncle's house in Alexandria. Some of my cousins are in their teens and they reminded me of myself at that age.

You know when you hit puberty all sort of emotions start raging inside you and I was not immune to that either. I would fantasize about a guy and usually the daydream would be like a movie with the main character him and me and romantic actions. I would describe this guy to my best friend in great details and she would sigh and laugh at me, then we would giggle. I spent a whole summer looking at magazines to find someone I could relate to. But there would always be a detail missing here and there. So many years have passed since I was 14, more than I care to say but at long last the fantasy has been brought to life. This man is the living incarnation of those fantasies.... what am I going to do knowing this vision is walking the earth !




HELP

'Draw me closer' : don't push away my outstretched hand

I don't kow if you've had the time to check my sidebar ? I've collected a number of interesting (to me and I hope to you as well) bloggers, whose common denominator is romance and erotica..

Sheema Kalbasi is from Iran and How it goes naked is her 'literary journey'.

This is my favourite bit:

"I want to be virgin of all the memories, and the life experiences but you. I want to be a markless paper and be marked by you. I want my past, present, and the future to have your name on it. I want to have a body that can be made love to by you uninterruptedly. I want to have a heart that has one city's name on it, the city where you ARE at any given time. I have been handed this love generation after generation to find you somewhere close or even from far to let you know of the truth. Take away the roaming features of Sizdah Bedar from my memory. I want to survive the aching for my homeland from the edge of this country.
Draw me closer. I love you" [read more]

Erotic mail

If you dream of suggesting a move , a date, or anything hot, and are either too shy to say it in person or are too far apart then Hoochymail is the answer to your erotic imagination.

snippet :

HoochyMail is the first internet service that allows you to create a thrilling,
explicit erotic fantasy about yourself and your special someone, doing all sorts
of exciting and sexy things, in all sorts of exotic and interesting locales!

I have made it a point to test it for your edification and must admit it is POWERFUL , especially when you see your name and that of your object of interest; boyfriend, husband, partner or lover in the starring roles , intertwined together literally and physically .

It is also an alternative to those of you who are engaging or wish to engage in cybersex , as a natural follow up to my previous posts on this topic :)

Cybersex 1
Cybersex 2
Cybersex 3

"[...] getting to know a partner on-line may be a nearly spiritual enterprise.
[..]It's mind to mind and spirit to spirit talking [...]You focus on who he is,
on the inside. Then if his outside is a little heavier or a little shorter than
you expected, it doesn't matter because you already love his soul. [ref] "

Here is part of the test story a special Hoochymail which I have created for my readers right on time for Halloween :

"Khaled nearly fell to the ground, only to see the cat lady, still before him on
her knees, lapping up every bit of his semen and licking her paws clean. She
looked up at him and for a moment, he was so sure it had to be Violet.And yet he
still wasn’t sure at all.
“Meow,” laughed the cat lady, still wearing her
mask, as she stood up to face him. “Well, there you have your treat,” she
smirked. She pranced over to the front door. “Wait a minute,” Khaled called,
watching her open the front door, “Come on, now, who are you, really?”The cat
lady looked over her shoulder, winked at him and disappeared into the darkness,
calling back to him, “That, my little Halloween goblin, is the trick!”

I'm not sure if Libyans are doing it ( I know they have phonesex) but it is an avenue to be explored no ? what do you think?

Those sexy Arab women

Thanks to Rambling Hal, (Hal you are a treasure throve!) I stumbled today on this interesting blog from Dubai to add to my collection of hot Arab women ( see my blogroll for that).

"Past experience has proved that people always look mysteriously dark and
handsome through tinted windows – the dark makes EVERYONE look better than
normal (that's why women like doing it with the lights off)… until the guys roll
down their windows and you realise you've just snared an ogre."

From Sex in Dubai !

Sex Academy

Yes you've heard right I can't believe my eyes when I saw this article in the news "Sex theme park to open in London" . People need to be thought how to make love ? Have people become that shy ? - but honestly I would not mind going to visit this place especially for this ;)

'The theme park will include life-sized silicone-made models which visitors
can touch to discover erogenous zones. '

That should be fun and watching the expression on people's faces

But this (below) promises to be even more fun ;) we get to see people's fantasies enacted live , where is my to do list ?

"People will also be able to build their ideal partner from a series of body
parts and there will be instructions on how best to kiss and how to talk more
sexily."

If you are interested in this museum if we can call it this way it's opening in September this year and it is something like the Kinsey institute I would say .
OK you must not think I'm some kind of pervert now ......just curious.

Still loving you beyond the grave

4:00 AM – mobile rings

Me : Hello ?
Him: Hello – Violet how are you ?
Me : who is this please ?
Him: I’m sorry did I wake you up ? it’s me A
Me : Hi A. how are you ? is everything OK ? why are you calling so early in the morning ?
Him : I’m sorry I got mixed up with the time difference, I’m calling you from New York..
Me : OK well you scared , so what can I do for you?
Him: Nothing Violet , I simply thought about you while walking here and wishing how much it was you with me. I will regret till the end of my life to have agreed to let you go.
Me: I’m sorry you feel this way, but you have a new life now and beautiful children and a lovely wife , you should not be calling me like this , go spend your time with her.
Him: I can’t forget you Violet, you are the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last when I go to sleep….it’s out of my hands.
Me: A. you have to work harder on it, you’ve married the woman and she trusts you and no it is not right that you should call me instead of her.
Him: She knows it is you only I love, I told her when we got married, she has me but not my heart , that is for you only.
Me: A this is unfair, you are married and have kids , you go back home to the arms of a loving wife, I go back home to an empty bed so stop doing this.
Him: Well I called because I wanted to ask you which do you prefer? I’m returning on Monday to Tripoli, and if it was for me I would buy you everything that was in the shops here in New York, I can imagine you in every outfit, so what would you like me to get you? Or shall I get you some gold trinket ? I know you love that?
Me: thank you for the thought I appreciate it but please A you don’t need to buy me anything, I’ll accept this phone call as a present..
Him: Violet, everything you ever told me turned out to be correct , I’m so sorry I misjudged you before, now I know what you were talking about, I’’ve changed …would you marry me now if I divorced her? I can keep the children?
Me: No A I did not marry you when you were unattached, I certainly won’t now that you have a family. It is fine that you learned a lesson, make use of it my friend, if you need advice I’d gladly give it but please not at 4:00 AM
Him: I’m so sorry again, I wanted to buy you a present, and here everybody and everything conjures you to my mind…

I have not seen A in 4 years and he still can’t make a decision without calling me….what do you do with a man who obsesses about you even though he knows it is a hopeless case. Everywoman wants the love which will go beyond the grave, but she wants also to be a partner in that love.

Cybersex ahem ...again ..

Following my two earlier posts on this topic here and here you probably thought this is a fad and would go away ? nope , it seems to be increasing .. I just came accross another blogger who is obsessed erm sorry ;) fascinated by the subject . Check what Jameed writes about it below:

" I have blogged a few months ago about the new high-tech way for pleasuring one’s self using such devices as the MatrixVibe and the iBuzz. Today, Reuters has a piece entitled “Future Sex: gizmos, robots“. What is happening here is that sex researchers, designers, marketing companies and porn stars have joined
hands to bring a whole new definition to “virtual sex”; a new field they dubbed
“teledildonics”."

We humans are pleasure beast no? Well Jameed concludes :

"Will I live long enough to witness the launch of gizmos that can provide a
person with a mental orgasm with a push of a button? Technology is only limited
by human creativity, and when it comes to sex, human creativity knows no
limit."

Dating in Jordan

I was thrilled to read this post "to date or not to date " by Jordanian blogger Khalidah , she was talking about dating in Jordan and how the concept is evolving. If you liked my series about dating in Libya I believe this post and the comments it engendered would be enriching. My dating in Libya posts are of course not finished yet by the way.

Sequel to cybersex : case no. I

Apart from your honest comments, the post about online dating and cybersex engendered a number of emails. As promised earlier , I'm posting some of them to give advice or find a solution... ok here is my favorite it is very long but worth it:

Dear Violet,

Someone at work sent me a link to your blog, I was surprised to find a Libyan woman discussing this in a public space. You don’t know me and I don’t know you but I think what you are trying to do is exciting. As a Libyan you know how much we talk about these matters when we women get together, but it such a novelty to find it here.
I never told this to anyone. 3 years ago I met an Arab guy. We started emailing, sometimes more than once a day, and got to know each other well I thought. Then one day, I had to go on a family trip with a very short notice. I emailel him about this and gave my phone number. He called me, and started phoning every night. I was madly in love, this fantastic man, with the voice of an angel and so knowledgeable was spending hours of his time with me. I wanted nothing but to meet him, he only told me his name and gave me his mobiles, and home numbers . I thought it was only a matter of time until he will reveal the rest about himself , send a photo and ask to meet my parents. You cannot believe how silly I was. Then one night when we were talking he went a little further in his suggestions . First I went along thinking it was sweet, he really was so romantic, but then the conversation became hardcore. I accepted it because I liked him a lot and was thinking men are liked that and this will keep him interested. He assured me it is all in the mind, a fantasy because we are not doing anything. I really don’t know because for sure for me it was mental. After that night he confessed that he was divorced and had a son and an ongoing custody battle in one of the most closed countries in the world. He said this boy was everything to him and that 's why he divorced his mother and will not have her back. Anyway he said he plans to marry but only after he gets custody so as not to give her any leverage in court.

I should have run as these were enough signals, but by then I was too fascinated by him, I thought I could be the woman of his life who will care for him and his son. (So what if he has a son that’s not a shame, and he did not want to advertise immediately until he knew me better).Well I found lots of rationalizing excuses. What tipped the scales in his favour was that he let me talk to his son, and the kid was adorable and obviously so happy with his dad. So I assumed that this man cannot be bad, he is taking care of a baby. He is mysterious because he holds a very sensitive position in his country.

One day I called and a female voice answered, hetold me his family knew about me. So when his sister picked up the phone I asked her ‘could I speak to X please? This is Y’. She told me ‘sorry there is no one by the name of X here you must be mistaken’ . I excused myself profusely and hung up on her. I checked the number just to establish that I was correct. Then a lamp lit in my head , ‘ok he is lying and his name is not x , but why ?’. A little voice was saying drop him , you don’t even know how he looks like, before it is too late. But I could not, he had played too much with my mind by then I really wanted him no matter what he looked like, he can't be a scumbag.
So next time he called I told him what happened and he said he knew and his sister did not hear me well and so she thought I was asking for someone else. Although i was not convinced , I pretended I was and rationalized again his behavor.Needless to say that he stopped with the letters when we started phoning. I was thinking this man is obviously brilliant why is he bothering with me when he could have his pick of women? What is his secret?


I went against my instincts and sent him my photo when he asked but imagine my shock and disappointment when he did not send his ?Excuses excuses, 2 years until I was able to get it. No I’m not a masochist but , I was in love or a bad case of infatuation. He wrote a long email explaining he will dedicate himself to his son and will not hurt him with a stepmother- that should have been my exit cue. By then it has become my challenge to get him to meet in real life, so I traced him from his numbers and found that the sister was right to tell me I had the wrong number because obviously I had asked for the wrong person. It was really bad trying to even hide your name why ? My fascination was like the moth going to a light, I have seen such wonderful brilliant aspects from his personality so I don’t know why he was doing this, it did not make sense.

His phone calls became rare , and the emails stopped . We met 3 years later. He was really, as handsome as I thought and as tender as believed he could be. His son was adorable. I had confirmation that he was truely divorced and he confirmed the name I had discovered before without even excusing himself. We did not have privacy as his son was a chaperone He proved to me his identity and I was impressed , the guy was who he was and yes he had a right to be secretive from his resume. But my criticism was that he could trust me after all those years? I thought he knew me because I had nothing to hide. I thought that was a good step and a new page towards the future. We had breakfast , lunch, coffee,snacks and dinner the three of us. I warmed towards them so much we went out on big walks and the people thought we were married.
That night I went back home with them and I watched him put his son to bed and wash him and read stories and stuff, he did not exclude me at all from the process. In fact his son asked him whether he was going to marry me. I felt very confident. I should have gone home the, but I did not. Mistake no. 3 . I remained because I wanted to have a private conversation without the child, I honestly had no hanky panky in mind. I was learning to address him in his real name when for 3 years I could not even pronounce it. I told him that I knew who he was etc.. and he said he knew that but he had feared for my life and did not want to get me in trouble by associating with him. He said such sweet things and the way he pronounced my name made me buckle at the knees, forgiving him all that he put me through. I let him kiss me and touch my breasts very briefly. He carried me tenderly to the couch and we sat talking. I told him I was not interested in sex I could wait, and anyway he did not want to either , I mean his son was across the hall right? This would ruin his custody chances. We could wait until the ruling. He pulled himself together , hugged me fiercely and took me to the guest room to sleep , it was too late to let me get back home. Boy was I glad that I had a foolproof excuse at home, no one was looking for me. He covered me just like he did to his son and went to bed.

I had such fantasies of a mutual life together the 3 of us and then later a little girl. I was living in dreamland. Rehashing his words that he had agreed to meet me this time, because he wanted to prove that he was everything he claimed to be, not a cyberfigure. He really was, a father and a gentleman , and a very very busy important man judging by the international call, faxes , telephones and the deference of the people, in addition to the concrete papers I’ve seen.

But this was my first night to sleep under the same roof of a strange man, I felt guilty, even if there was a chaperone. I had let the man kiss me. I was a bit hurt by that time that he left me to go sleep with his son. So I waited till morning and left very early home. I did not take the expensive present he had bought for me. I had no need for this.

I waited for his phone call, because my plans for the day depended on him. See I had cleared a 3 day empty slot for his sake because he had made that week especially for us to be together. But it was not going as I wanted. I wanted to hear the words ‘I love you’. And all he did was spend time with his son. We only met late for dinner that night. So I decided to stop seeing him, I had no time for heartache. He knows my feelings, I have nothing to hide and he knows were to find me.I had been patient for too long. I said farewell that night after dinner. I think he was shocked by my choice of clothes. I wanted to show him my sexy fashionable side as opposed to the day before .I wish I had remained conservative, I think he got the impression I was too wild and with the combination of my willing to spend the night at their home, that’s not what men are used to around these parts.

He never wrote back, he never called and when I wrote he said he was very busy with his son's problems and at work and simply had no time and 'no' was no forgetting about me.
I don't know what to think but I did not talk to him after that as I felt humiliated . What is weird is that he would still call me on important dates and feasts, he just phoned for new year . I'm very confused . Is that how guy's behave ?

Fozia

Ok readers, what do you think ? did Fozia make a mistake ? Does having online sex ( or phone sex in this case) jeopardize a woman's chance of success? Are you immediately labeled a slut just because you do, in a similar way as the girls who make out with guys in real life

I have my own question too it is about this rule that the women in Libyan keep warning each other about : Arab men are ALL the same. They will have fun with you then go tell their mum to find a good girl for them . Emphasis on the ‘good’ here. So don’t kiss , don’t show your body, don’t hug etc… if you want to nab the guy, you can let him touch your hand after a few months of dating but not more. Then there is the other crowd. Nothing keeps a man until you sleep with him.

So which crowd should a girl believe? In both cases the girls got the men they wanted. Pretty confusing I admit .

Online dating and Cybersex

With the popularisation of internet and worldwide easy communication, it has become easier for people to meet online, if not in chatroom and forums than in specialised dating sites such as match.com and bentalhalal.com . These sites have mushroomed in every society and I guess they do tender to a need as there are many professionals out there who may not have the time to hang around singles bars or are too old for the disco/clubbing scene. Also in more conservative societies it is a click away to talk to someone from the opposite sex and if you are wise there will be no repercussions and perhaps a happy ending. It's kind of safer as you do not need to actually date or you can date when it is agreeable to you both at your own pace.

However cybersex is something altoghether different, this is purely physical and its protagonists do not go in with the purpose of romance and marriage but definetely for some kind of erotic fullfilment.Reporter Regina Lynn has ventured into this world and come back with this article about her experiences ....check extracts below:

"The best cybersex happens on multiple levels. You have a layer of reality in which you update each other about what's happening with your bodies"

"Then you have the "action" level, where you describe what you're doing together in the fantasy"

She is asking"Would you have cybersex with someone you met through an online dating site? Would you go on a date with someone you met through a cybersex chat room? "

She likes it so much that she now has her own user name oops . Please go read the whole article, courtesy of www.wired.com.

Over the last few years I have celebrated several weddings Arab ( at least 3 are Libyans) and non Arab where the spouses met online, I thought that was cute, but no one told me about their cybersex adventures.

Regina maintains that cybersex is good for couples who are physically distant, such as milatiry and so on ...what do you guys and girls think ? Do you have experience of online dating or even cybersex you wanna share * add mischievious grin here * . I can post , or you can post it and discuss.

Have a happy new year folks !