Yesterday the phone rang while I was preoccupied with another issue. So I picked up without looking at the ID.
Violet: Hello !?
Voice : Hello Violet , it's me , you're the first one I have spoken to today , it's my birthday and I thought I'd call you for old times sake...you forgot ?.
Violet: I'm so sorry , Happy Birthday, I totally forgot, this year I have not remembered any of my friend's birthdays ...
Voice: It's ok ...I just missed you ... I've been so unhappy - will you ever forgive me ? can we get back toghether, I'm divorcing my wife.
Violet: So sorry to hear these bad news , but no it's too late , I've told you before did I not ?
The conversation continued with some banalities from my side , while I was thinking of a way to cut it short without hurting him.
Each time he calls , he opens the wounds anew, how on earth am I going to heal and stop comparing..It is so hard at times to be strong when you get lonely and you miss the arms, the kisses and the whispering voice..you tend to forget the bad times that made you drop everything and leave and only recall the big love that you thought would last forever. And I tell myself , he has changed , shall I fill the big emptiness inside me again and take him back...there was a time when I believed he was perfect... but since I'm saying 'was' that means he is not and I no longer think of him as perfect...
Oh for those innocent days on the beach when we would swim till we got tired , then eat a pizza or tuna sandwich with juice and salad. Oh for the days when he kissed the floor I walked on and the shoes I wore. Oh for the days when he slept under our balcony and left poetry and flowers on my car - what happened ? why? where has all this gone ?
Damn you A for making me see those ghosts ......