Sunday, September 24, 2006

Ramadan : 'can I kiss him during the day ?'

"My husband wants to follow my mom’s footsteps and try to fast for a few days. I
explained to him the rules; I told him that he can’t drink water, eat food, have
any sexual thoughts, smoke cigarettes, swear, lie, steal….from sunrise to sunset
for a whole month….He said,” I can’t hold you during the day?”"

Reading Leilouta's words in her posts about Ramadan here and here and about her husband, teleported me into the past, to the days when I wanted to know how married couples behaved during Ramadan. Should they cut the sweet talk, the hugging , the tenderness, the kiss before going to work etc... what if they are making love before sunrise ?

All these issues seemed important to me. why ? BecauseI was infatuated with a guy I intended to marry and was not sure whether I should treat him as a stranger as soon as the sun rose . Also the same guy used to take my hand to his lips and kiss it tenderly in Ramadan when we met . So was that haram ? was it lust?

I wanted to ask without drawing suspicion at my sudden interest in the subject . I mean I was not married nor engaged, why ask if a simple non-lustful greeting kiss would invalidate my fast ?
So it was a bright idea to ask my best friend who was pretty conservative and well versed in fiqh.

Violet : "S. habibti , how do married couples behave in Ramadan ? I mean should they sleep in separate beds ? "
S. : " no of course not after sunset they can do what they want"
Violet: " OK what if they did 'you know what' just before the sun rises , do they have to hurry up and wash and purify , it takes all the romance and fun out of it ..."
S: : "no they don't, they can stay in bed until it is time to get up and shower etc.. as usual. Islam is supposed to make your life easy not more problematic "
Violet: " ah ..OK. What about hugging her before going to work for example and giving her the usual tender kiss?"
S. : " I think that's fine too. Expressing emotions is OK you know Violet , you love someone and you want to show that to them. God does not want you to stop demonstrating affection because you are fasting. You are abstaining from food , sex and gossip , not from love and affection. So if you are keeping it decent it is fine to be affectionate."
Violet: " ah you put my mind at rest , I was thinking I needed to avoid my husband throughout that month "
S: " wait a sec you are not even married and you are asking all this , what's up with you ? you going out with someone or what ? Plus you know married couples sometimes don't even wish to hold hands".
Violet ( going red in the face and stuttering) : "well I'm asking for when I get married .."

So I decided that since I loved my boyfriend and he was kissing my hand as a show of affection (because he was not going to be allowed much else) therefore what he did was not haram .
S always looked at me in a funny way afterwards ....

My own fatwa: only you know what lies in your heart, if it was lust then it is haram , if it was affection then it will stop at that.

Happy Ramadan !


khadijateri said...

Mabruk Ramadan!

Nice post!

Libyan Violet said...

Thank you Khadijateri , Ramadan Mabruk to you too !

shlemazl said...

What's wrong with a little lust :-)?

Libyan Violet said...

Shlemazl,absolutely nothing wrong with lust ;-) but it was Ramadan and was trying to save my eternal soul .

Leilouta said...

Happy Ramadan :)

programmer craig said...

Happy Ramadan, Violet!

PS-You're lucky you never had to wrestle with the Christian notion that sin in thought is the same as sin in deed! I still haven't quite figured that one out! I give myself the benefit of the doubt and assume that if I'm not scheming for ways to put my sinful thoughts in practice, it doesn't count :)

AngloLibyan said...

Ramadan Mubarak to you and your family

redENCLAVE said...

a lovely post violet. Wish you a blessed ramadan

Libyan Violet said...

Thank you Anglolibyan and Redenclave . I was not aware you read my blog too so welcome !

Chris in MB said...

I was also here, should have said Happy Ramadan before!