Online dating tips for men and women
Browsing Yahoo website you come accross lots of interesting advice, among which are dating tips. since I'm writing chronicles about online dating I thought it would be fun to include these tips and see if all of you have made some of the mistakes listed.
Tips for men
Tips for women
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Love is hard: epilogue and new beginning
I think you've all been patient enough so let's get on with this story (for newcomers you have to read part I first) .
They met online in the 90s and for years kept in touch on a daily basis by all the modern means available. They loved each other without saying it, they laughed together and maintained a beautiful relationship across the seas, the miles and the time zones. There was some kind of unwritten agreement that they won't ask for each others personal information including photos until they met in real life. It was mostly from her side she wanted to see whether he would like her for her personality or other attributes. She wanted to know whether love is for the soul or for more worldly matters. She thought he was very mature for his age.They invested in their love until they met physically. They supported each other, he was a Libyan guy fil ghurba and she was a Libyan girl feeling a kind of ghurba in her own country.
She would think every night before going to sleep. "Thank you God for showing me this wonderful human specimen!". It felt great to talk to him in Arabic, in our Libyan patois and at the same time switch to English and know he will understand. It felt good knowing he shared her interests and they got along so well as friends because it did start as a friendship. She loved his accent and even more when he would lapse into the thicker one.
Then he came back home for a visit and the phone was practically glued to their ears. "The phone company should give us a discount they would joke." Whatever information they had kept from each other was revealed and among that her age. – She felt or maybe imagined that love was consolidated even more, but was it really? Little did she know that dark forces were at play here. His love like his frankness were clear and an integral part of their relationship.
So after her 'revelation' he admitted that he had had his doubts about her age when they used to talk but was hoping the gap won't be that much. Then he said "I love you habibti- you are the first love- maybe even the last one but I won't marry you". Though an eternity ago those words resonate in her head and she cannot delete them.
That night he explained his point while she listened till dawn break. "I have other plans and these plans as much as this may hurt me and you now do not include someone your age. If you were two or even five years older than me I would have risked it and faced the situation but I cannot go through this. The tribe, the society, the family and the neighbours will put my family in an awkward and embarrassing position. Look at Karim they would say he could not get a girl his age so he married one 10 years his senior …. Why did he need to do this?'
With every sentence her heart kept sinking, but she clung to the hope that since he still had not seen her he may change his mind. Then he continued "there are other things to take into consideration, I want children, and at 44 you may not be able to provide them. Women age faster than men and you are closer in age to my aunts and mother than to my sisters, it will be hell for you. It crossed my mind once or twice to live with you outside Libya. But I decided no I want to live in my city and I want an ordinary life with a simple woman. Why should I go through with life and make things unnecessarily complicated? It is compatibility I seek not love. I have to be wise; I can't afford to follow my heart, or cripple myself in life" .
"So you do love me she asked? " - "Yes I do habibti, which is why I'll promise you this: I promise to delay my marriage until I know you are settled, happy and married off to a good man." She agreed because she loved him, by then they were so smitten and she so love struck that it felt they were man and woman. It was heavenly this attraction which she felt transcended the physical because they never had seen each other physically. She did not know the colour, texture or scent of his skin, he did not know the taste of her lips but he knew that like the orchid she would open up to his touch. She went to her job during the day with a mysterious smile permanently there on her face. She was secure that he was hers for now, nothing else mattered. They had a covenant.
It was amazing to witness how in love he was. She was happy too, he was healing her past trauma and she became open to finding a comfortable happiness with another man. She was no longer shutting doors in the face of Libyan men . There were two of them she thought would make good husband material. She wanted to ask him how to encourage them to seek her out 3ala sunnat allah wa rasuluh, especially that she was actively seeking to do some matchmaking for him. Their relationship was really comfortable that way.
She was settled and relaxed, a woman in love and loved, a woman fulfilled. She had her criteria about men but with him she really did not care if he turned out to be not one bit like the physical man of her dreams. Why ? not because she was not going to marry him anyway but because love is not just chemistry and sex. You love the person who gives you all the confidence and strength in this world. The man gives that to the woman and the woman to the man. That's how you face life even when you are not actually physically together, that's why you feel comfortable together and that's how you know everything will be all right because you have each other.
Though she did not think that age is an obstacle, she accepted his choice more so because of the covenant and this giving to each other. They enjoyed each other's presence too much. She also loved him very much and seeing him so fulfilled was a joy and as much as she knew that it won't last forever with her and that he would be spending real physical nights and days with another woman one day she was content that he was more than her best friend. He is someone she could denude her soul to and know he would understand. She never stopped to think that another woman would not have accepted this sacrifice; another woman would have thought she was being used. She knew she was not though. She was counting the hours up to their face to face meeting.Then they met ………and the abstraction became reality!
She thought he was not classically handsome, but he was so virile with a cute smile and tender eyes. Though he was shorter than her, his personality made him seem so tall. It was so hard for her to keep away from touching him yet shyness was killing her. Despite her age she felt sixteen and was giggling like an idiot while simultaneously trembling in his presence. She almost fainted when the auras of their twin souls touched each other.
Their love-story developed and when he went away again she spent every hour that was not related to work or some chore with him online or over the phone. She bloomed and even if she was not pretty, her cheeks became rosy, her eyes bright, skin and hair glowing, her lips red.. He showed such care and devotion, international phone calls, advice, trying to smooth any problem she may face and this worked because it was exactly what he promised to do, i.e love and cherish and take care and he was doing it more beautifully every day. She would entertain a glimmer of hope sometimes that things may evolve but she never allowed it to take root because they had a covenant and she had accepted his decision and his point of view.
Then one day a family issue prevented her from being as available as before to him. When things quieted down he confessed that he had met another girl and was in contact with her. She felt hurt and betrayed regardless of the fact that she always knew they would not marry. She thought it would not hurt, but it did. It was shockingly a deja vu situation, reminiscent of the past when every time she would be 'away' the man who had promised' eternal' love would go with another woman.
Karim had been hurt by the other woman which is why he had turned to her, they were first and foremost best friends. Through her daze she never flinched in her support that night. It was only the next day that the shock nested in. She simply was not expecting it to come so soon. She would not lay blame and then negate his good deeds for another man's fault that had left her so hypersensitive. She was hurt because she wanted to be his accomplice of sort when he met a woman. That's how she dreamt it would be. She planned to tzagheret on his wedding; God knows how much her heart would burst from happiness. But she was now so hurt at being taken by surprise as he brought out that old accumulated pain and fear of betrayal the fear that she could never turn her back without the object of love doing something that would hurt her. Part of it was largely unfair to him but the pain was compounded by the fact that she was older and he had made her aware of that very much in his attempt to drill into her head why they were not suited for each other. For the first time in her life she felt old, ugly and undesirable. She felt very much aware of the years that have flown past. She was alone, with no companion and no child. Most of her peers were married and busy with their lives, and the hope for her was fading day by day unless she wanted to settle for a jerk or be someone's third wife. She felt pity for the first time for herself.He almost shattered her self confidence, yet she was lucid enough to know it was not intentional. He has always been honest and logical but online, we give the other all sorts of attributes regardless of how much we think we know them, they are still idealized and romanticized and in a way misunderstandings can happen and secret wishes can be harboured. After all you don't know a person until you've lived or travelled with them and this applies for friends and relationships.
Life goes on and they were both wise not to destroy a perfectly ideal friendship. Because time is a great healer she was able to put the experience behind her and move on just like he had done. As much as he loved her, the ten year age gap was obviously too much to be bridged which meant he did not love her enough! Instead of being hurt she should be grateful as this was not the man she was looking for – she wanted an unconditional timeless love.
When they met again, this new meeting lasted longer allowing her to digest things slower. He was great fun to be with and they laughed so much. So she ended up having her closure when she discovered it was just a heavy infatuation from her side compounded by the web. It could have gone either way love or friendship. They were pilgrim souls who met and recognized each other and were there for each other in time of need. They will still help each other as siblings but he was NOT her man. Her man was out there just within reach and she better keep her heart, mind and soul open not to miss him again and waste precious time.
In conclusion, was it betrayal ? you bet … did it hurt ? sure …any regrets? None!
It is a necessary experience in the general scheme of things and you learn more about yourself and the fact is that you need not only to love the other person selflessly but also to love yourself even more. Libyan blogger Litazia has made a complete blog about love and ' How to have a healthy relationship and maintain it'; a lot of wise words in there garnered from experience !
The main point that struck me in this story is does age really matter? Does being over 30 erase the chance of the woman with an Arab guy in general and a Libyan one in particular?When do you seize to be considered as a complete woman. Is fertility confined to age only? is fertility really that specific and only the domain of women? Aren't children gifts from God which he partakes to whom he wishes? So many questions.
I think you've all been patient enough so let's get on with this story (for newcomers you have to read part I first) .
They met online in the 90s and for years kept in touch on a daily basis by all the modern means available. They loved each other without saying it, they laughed together and maintained a beautiful relationship across the seas, the miles and the time zones. There was some kind of unwritten agreement that they won't ask for each others personal information including photos until they met in real life. It was mostly from her side she wanted to see whether he would like her for her personality or other attributes. She wanted to know whether love is for the soul or for more worldly matters. She thought he was very mature for his age.They invested in their love until they met physically. They supported each other, he was a Libyan guy fil ghurba and she was a Libyan girl feeling a kind of ghurba in her own country.
She would think every night before going to sleep. "Thank you God for showing me this wonderful human specimen!". It felt great to talk to him in Arabic, in our Libyan patois and at the same time switch to English and know he will understand. It felt good knowing he shared her interests and they got along so well as friends because it did start as a friendship. She loved his accent and even more when he would lapse into the thicker one.
Then he came back home for a visit and the phone was practically glued to their ears. "The phone company should give us a discount they would joke." Whatever information they had kept from each other was revealed and among that her age. – She felt or maybe imagined that love was consolidated even more, but was it really? Little did she know that dark forces were at play here. His love like his frankness were clear and an integral part of their relationship.
So after her 'revelation' he admitted that he had had his doubts about her age when they used to talk but was hoping the gap won't be that much. Then he said "I love you habibti- you are the first love- maybe even the last one but I won't marry you". Though an eternity ago those words resonate in her head and she cannot delete them.
That night he explained his point while she listened till dawn break. "I have other plans and these plans as much as this may hurt me and you now do not include someone your age. If you were two or even five years older than me I would have risked it and faced the situation but I cannot go through this. The tribe, the society, the family and the neighbours will put my family in an awkward and embarrassing position. Look at Karim they would say he could not get a girl his age so he married one 10 years his senior …. Why did he need to do this?'
With every sentence her heart kept sinking, but she clung to the hope that since he still had not seen her he may change his mind. Then he continued "there are other things to take into consideration, I want children, and at 44 you may not be able to provide them. Women age faster than men and you are closer in age to my aunts and mother than to my sisters, it will be hell for you. It crossed my mind once or twice to live with you outside Libya. But I decided no I want to live in my city and I want an ordinary life with a simple woman. Why should I go through with life and make things unnecessarily complicated? It is compatibility I seek not love. I have to be wise; I can't afford to follow my heart, or cripple myself in life" .
"So you do love me she asked? " - "Yes I do habibti, which is why I'll promise you this: I promise to delay my marriage until I know you are settled, happy and married off to a good man." She agreed because she loved him, by then they were so smitten and she so love struck that it felt they were man and woman. It was heavenly this attraction which she felt transcended the physical because they never had seen each other physically. She did not know the colour, texture or scent of his skin, he did not know the taste of her lips but he knew that like the orchid she would open up to his touch. She went to her job during the day with a mysterious smile permanently there on her face. She was secure that he was hers for now, nothing else mattered. They had a covenant.
It was amazing to witness how in love he was. She was happy too, he was healing her past trauma and she became open to finding a comfortable happiness with another man. She was no longer shutting doors in the face of Libyan men . There were two of them she thought would make good husband material. She wanted to ask him how to encourage them to seek her out 3ala sunnat allah wa rasuluh, especially that she was actively seeking to do some matchmaking for him. Their relationship was really comfortable that way.
She was settled and relaxed, a woman in love and loved, a woman fulfilled. She had her criteria about men but with him she really did not care if he turned out to be not one bit like the physical man of her dreams. Why ? not because she was not going to marry him anyway but because love is not just chemistry and sex. You love the person who gives you all the confidence and strength in this world. The man gives that to the woman and the woman to the man. That's how you face life even when you are not actually physically together, that's why you feel comfortable together and that's how you know everything will be all right because you have each other.
Though she did not think that age is an obstacle, she accepted his choice more so because of the covenant and this giving to each other. They enjoyed each other's presence too much. She also loved him very much and seeing him so fulfilled was a joy and as much as she knew that it won't last forever with her and that he would be spending real physical nights and days with another woman one day she was content that he was more than her best friend. He is someone she could denude her soul to and know he would understand. She never stopped to think that another woman would not have accepted this sacrifice; another woman would have thought she was being used. She knew she was not though. She was counting the hours up to their face to face meeting.Then they met ………and the abstraction became reality!
She thought he was not classically handsome, but he was so virile with a cute smile and tender eyes. Though he was shorter than her, his personality made him seem so tall. It was so hard for her to keep away from touching him yet shyness was killing her. Despite her age she felt sixteen and was giggling like an idiot while simultaneously trembling in his presence. She almost fainted when the auras of their twin souls touched each other.
Their love-story developed and when he went away again she spent every hour that was not related to work or some chore with him online or over the phone. She bloomed and even if she was not pretty, her cheeks became rosy, her eyes bright, skin and hair glowing, her lips red.. He showed such care and devotion, international phone calls, advice, trying to smooth any problem she may face and this worked because it was exactly what he promised to do, i.e love and cherish and take care and he was doing it more beautifully every day. She would entertain a glimmer of hope sometimes that things may evolve but she never allowed it to take root because they had a covenant and she had accepted his decision and his point of view.
Then one day a family issue prevented her from being as available as before to him. When things quieted down he confessed that he had met another girl and was in contact with her. She felt hurt and betrayed regardless of the fact that she always knew they would not marry. She thought it would not hurt, but it did. It was shockingly a deja vu situation, reminiscent of the past when every time she would be 'away' the man who had promised' eternal' love would go with another woman.
Karim had been hurt by the other woman which is why he had turned to her, they were first and foremost best friends. Through her daze she never flinched in her support that night. It was only the next day that the shock nested in. She simply was not expecting it to come so soon. She would not lay blame and then negate his good deeds for another man's fault that had left her so hypersensitive. She was hurt because she wanted to be his accomplice of sort when he met a woman. That's how she dreamt it would be. She planned to tzagheret on his wedding; God knows how much her heart would burst from happiness. But she was now so hurt at being taken by surprise as he brought out that old accumulated pain and fear of betrayal the fear that she could never turn her back without the object of love doing something that would hurt her. Part of it was largely unfair to him but the pain was compounded by the fact that she was older and he had made her aware of that very much in his attempt to drill into her head why they were not suited for each other. For the first time in her life she felt old, ugly and undesirable. She felt very much aware of the years that have flown past. She was alone, with no companion and no child. Most of her peers were married and busy with their lives, and the hope for her was fading day by day unless she wanted to settle for a jerk or be someone's third wife. She felt pity for the first time for herself.He almost shattered her self confidence, yet she was lucid enough to know it was not intentional. He has always been honest and logical but online, we give the other all sorts of attributes regardless of how much we think we know them, they are still idealized and romanticized and in a way misunderstandings can happen and secret wishes can be harboured. After all you don't know a person until you've lived or travelled with them and this applies for friends and relationships.
Life goes on and they were both wise not to destroy a perfectly ideal friendship. Because time is a great healer she was able to put the experience behind her and move on just like he had done. As much as he loved her, the ten year age gap was obviously too much to be bridged which meant he did not love her enough! Instead of being hurt she should be grateful as this was not the man she was looking for – she wanted an unconditional timeless love.
When they met again, this new meeting lasted longer allowing her to digest things slower. He was great fun to be with and they laughed so much. So she ended up having her closure when she discovered it was just a heavy infatuation from her side compounded by the web. It could have gone either way love or friendship. They were pilgrim souls who met and recognized each other and were there for each other in time of need. They will still help each other as siblings but he was NOT her man. Her man was out there just within reach and she better keep her heart, mind and soul open not to miss him again and waste precious time.
In conclusion, was it betrayal ? you bet … did it hurt ? sure …any regrets? None!
It is a necessary experience in the general scheme of things and you learn more about yourself and the fact is that you need not only to love the other person selflessly but also to love yourself even more. Libyan blogger Litazia has made a complete blog about love and ' How to have a healthy relationship and maintain it'; a lot of wise words in there garnered from experience !
The main point that struck me in this story is does age really matter? Does being over 30 erase the chance of the woman with an Arab guy in general and a Libyan one in particular?When do you seize to be considered as a complete woman. Is fertility confined to age only? is fertility really that specific and only the domain of women? Aren't children gifts from God which he partakes to whom he wishes? So many questions.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Like a Phenix or not?
My shiny little heart got dropped a fewt imes. It broke a few times. It bled a few times. But I never stopped playing with it. Every time I picked up the broken pieces and with the resin of perseverance connected them together. I washed the dirt of hate and resentment from the pieces that had fallen to the ground and let bloodsoaked pieces dry out under the sun and in the fresh air till they turned a lovely shade of crimson.
Since the last time it got dropped , the blood has coagulated and only a massive transfusion would save it.
My shiny little heart got dropped a fewt imes. It broke a few times. It bled a few times. But I never stopped playing with it. Every time I picked up the broken pieces and with the resin of perseverance connected them together. I washed the dirt of hate and resentment from the pieces that had fallen to the ground and let bloodsoaked pieces dry out under the sun and in the fresh air till they turned a lovely shade of crimson.
Since the last time it got dropped , the blood has coagulated and only a massive transfusion would save it.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Letting go of happiness
"I believe so many of us love to feel the pain ,most of them don't admit it even to themselves...Every time i think really deep in the things i lost ,how i let those i cared about the most to go with out a fight ,how every time i had a real opportunity to hold happiness but i ran away like a maniac..When i think of these moments , a low voice in the back of my head keeps telling me that :It's u,u can't handle happiness,u feel like Sh**,but yet u are so afraid to feel happy.Why?because u believe life is not about getting what u want ,it ii simply that u like to feel the touch of vthe happiness ,just to enjoy pushing it away..I don't know if that applies to u ,but it Certainly applies to me. Thank u .The Citizen" [ref in comment section here]
The above comment falls right into the theme of this blog. Sadness, lost love, pain and betrayal with perhaps a light at the end of the tunnel.
Since my last posts many of you wrote to ask me whether I was competing for the 'tragic poet' title, or whether I got high on the feeling of heartbreak and other similar remarks.
I'm not sure why this bothers you gentlemen, I said at the onset: "hopeless romantic, veteran of unrequited love, still searching for her soulmate". I also said I'm writing fiction laced with some truth. You don't have to read this blog if you think it's too girly :P
Anyway I know you are impatient to read the rest of the story, but I'm a busy mum and Pearl has priority you just have to wait a little bit more. I promise it won't be long this time.
To get back to the Citizen's comment, I'm asking the readers why do we enjoy letting go of happiness...?
"I believe so many of us love to feel the pain ,most of them don't admit it even to themselves...Every time i think really deep in the things i lost ,how i let those i cared about the most to go with out a fight ,how every time i had a real opportunity to hold happiness but i ran away like a maniac..When i think of these moments , a low voice in the back of my head keeps telling me that :It's u,u can't handle happiness,u feel like Sh**,but yet u are so afraid to feel happy.Why?because u believe life is not about getting what u want ,it ii simply that u like to feel the touch of vthe happiness ,just to enjoy pushing it away..I don't know if that applies to u ,but it Certainly applies to me. Thank u .The Citizen" [ref in comment section here]
The above comment falls right into the theme of this blog. Sadness, lost love, pain and betrayal with perhaps a light at the end of the tunnel.
Since my last posts many of you wrote to ask me whether I was competing for the 'tragic poet' title, or whether I got high on the feeling of heartbreak and other similar remarks.
I'm not sure why this bothers you gentlemen, I said at the onset: "hopeless romantic, veteran of unrequited love, still searching for her soulmate". I also said I'm writing fiction laced with some truth. You don't have to read this blog if you think it's too girly :P
Anyway I know you are impatient to read the rest of the story, but I'm a busy mum and Pearl has priority you just have to wait a little bit more. I promise it won't be long this time.
To get back to the Citizen's comment, I'm asking the readers why do we enjoy letting go of happiness...?
Saturday, February 02, 2008
The Good Men and the Bad Men
Sometimes when you are too engrossed in your own thoughts you need an outside opinion to make you change your thoughts ..this happened to me a few days ago when a male friend of mine helped me realize that I have been walking around with blinkers.
A guy's advice :
Sometimes when you are too engrossed in your own thoughts you need an outside opinion to make you change your thoughts ..this happened to me a few days ago when a male friend of mine helped me realize that I have been walking around with blinkers.
A guy's advice :
- Not all men are bad
- Never to find excuses for a man's mistake
- No need to tolerate the bad behaviour.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Love is hard : a long story
'I'm off to bed' he said.
Her heart was screaming no I want to talk to you. I want to make love and feel you inside me. I want to cry in your arms, be reassured and feel protected just like you promised. But she typed instead : 'Sure habibi everything will be allright- take care and good night!' ( it even rhymes)
Then she let out a primeval wail, breaking the dams in her heart, her eyes overflowed and she thought she would die from the pain that racked her in waves. Her whole body started shaking and she was immediately drenched in sweat. She wanted to crawl under a rock to die, but she died inside one more time. Why does she have to accept this, why should she accomodate him and forgive. He felt guilty, and he was guilty, treason is the ultimate dagger, betrayal is the worst thing one can do, and saying it was unintentional can never be an excuse as long as we have a brain and can make choices. Why should she absolve him so he can go and have a good life with a clean slate while she will remain with the memories and the shadows of a happier time, why make it easy on him? why ? because she loves him and he was banking on that.. He knows her too well....So, while he slept she left him an offline echoing an earlier text message he had sent her last time they met during his visit.
'I guess love IS hard'- then her fingers stopped in mid air as if thinking what to say and she resumed 'you were right yesterday that my downfall and yet most endearing trait is that I let the man feel safe that I wont nag for anything, not even for his love no matter how much I love him because of my stupid principles. Right now all I want to be doing is pillow talk'. She pressed the enter button and waited some more till the physical pain receded so she could actually think with a clear head.
Since then she has not been capable of any work, she sits long hours at the office pretending to carry on important tasks, she attends meetings as a shell because her soul has long since departed. She sits at her computer at home staring into space and wishing for a magic wand, she replies to questions with a resigned attitude. She is fading like a rose without water and her features reflect sadness.
Then she gets up, clenches her fist and thinks 'shame on you, your ancestors would turn in their grave- if they saw what a wimp you have become'. Is it worth fighting for this love? or should she walk away and turn her back - would she let someone else take him so easily after she had been a best friend, sister, mother and lover all in one? will it always be her destiny to hold the man she always pined for only briefly and have another woman take him when he was ready for the plucking? As if he was but a desert mirage.
To forgive or not ?- should that even be a question when one loves? The hurt and the anger says not to, but the part of her that loves him says - have mercy. But who will have mercy on her and comfort her?
If she takes away her forgiveness, professing it loud - he will be cursed like the others. Those men who in their selfishness in search for a two second orgasm killed a nascent dream.
In the past she used to griev, and tried to forget; convincing herself that her soulmate was still around the corner and that he would be the Prince on a white horse the companion of her old age. The man whose babies she will bear and who would be the one to bury her when she dies. Because she intended to die before him. The man with whom she could laugh and cry, an accomplice of some sort, with whom she could be silly- habla, and serious with whom even the silences where full of words. She would listen to his breathing while he slept and she would adore his snoring. She would tremble at the prospect of his touch and would send him cheeky messages if he was away thinking of the one thousand and one ways she would light up his life.
'Don't forgive !' says her friend, be angry, nag and threaten and tell him how much what he did hurts and is not right? 'Be the lady you have always been says' her head, 'keep cool and calm'and everything will fall into place.'
In the previous times, she never looked back until one day the cause of her pain would come and ask for forgiveness - it was an eerie experience and she felt sorry at the state he would be in. His momentary happiness not having lasted long, because breaking a heart or a promise is not easy matter. When she would see how that man she thought was a giant was reduced to a dwarf - she would say thank God I am not the one stuck to this guy. She would grant him forgiveness. This time around it's getting a bit more difficult, she is older and her memory not as elastic enough to blot out the pain. By forgiving she signs her death warrant- can she go through the same process of picking up the pieces on the path to heal her heart! She was young and frail before so she left without putting a fight or was it nasseeb so that she could meet him and he would break her heart too. But why does this need to happen? yes why ? He loves her he says and she loves him back .
She has decided not to exact vengence because that is a bitter medicine, she will forgive because her heart is bigger - because she is a real woman, made of flesh and blood and because she loves him and love requires the ultimate sacrifice- if you think that the object of your life would be happier without you then you learn to let go, even if you know that he is mistaken because his happiness lies with you...
are you getting confused ? come back again to read the stories and judge for yourself.
'I'm off to bed' he said.
Her heart was screaming no I want to talk to you. I want to make love and feel you inside me. I want to cry in your arms, be reassured and feel protected just like you promised. But she typed instead : 'Sure habibi everything will be allright- take care and good night!' ( it even rhymes)
Then she let out a primeval wail, breaking the dams in her heart, her eyes overflowed and she thought she would die from the pain that racked her in waves. Her whole body started shaking and she was immediately drenched in sweat. She wanted to crawl under a rock to die, but she died inside one more time. Why does she have to accept this, why should she accomodate him and forgive. He felt guilty, and he was guilty, treason is the ultimate dagger, betrayal is the worst thing one can do, and saying it was unintentional can never be an excuse as long as we have a brain and can make choices. Why should she absolve him so he can go and have a good life with a clean slate while she will remain with the memories and the shadows of a happier time, why make it easy on him? why ? because she loves him and he was banking on that.. He knows her too well....So, while he slept she left him an offline echoing an earlier text message he had sent her last time they met during his visit.
'I guess love IS hard'- then her fingers stopped in mid air as if thinking what to say and she resumed 'you were right yesterday that my downfall and yet most endearing trait is that I let the man feel safe that I wont nag for anything, not even for his love no matter how much I love him because of my stupid principles. Right now all I want to be doing is pillow talk'. She pressed the enter button and waited some more till the physical pain receded so she could actually think with a clear head.
Since then she has not been capable of any work, she sits long hours at the office pretending to carry on important tasks, she attends meetings as a shell because her soul has long since departed. She sits at her computer at home staring into space and wishing for a magic wand, she replies to questions with a resigned attitude. She is fading like a rose without water and her features reflect sadness.
Then she gets up, clenches her fist and thinks 'shame on you, your ancestors would turn in their grave- if they saw what a wimp you have become'. Is it worth fighting for this love? or should she walk away and turn her back - would she let someone else take him so easily after she had been a best friend, sister, mother and lover all in one? will it always be her destiny to hold the man she always pined for only briefly and have another woman take him when he was ready for the plucking? As if he was but a desert mirage.
To forgive or not ?- should that even be a question when one loves? The hurt and the anger says not to, but the part of her that loves him says - have mercy. But who will have mercy on her and comfort her?
If she takes away her forgiveness, professing it loud - he will be cursed like the others. Those men who in their selfishness in search for a two second orgasm killed a nascent dream.
In the past she used to griev, and tried to forget; convincing herself that her soulmate was still around the corner and that he would be the Prince on a white horse the companion of her old age. The man whose babies she will bear and who would be the one to bury her when she dies. Because she intended to die before him. The man with whom she could laugh and cry, an accomplice of some sort, with whom she could be silly- habla, and serious with whom even the silences where full of words. She would listen to his breathing while he slept and she would adore his snoring. She would tremble at the prospect of his touch and would send him cheeky messages if he was away thinking of the one thousand and one ways she would light up his life.
'Don't forgive !' says her friend, be angry, nag and threaten and tell him how much what he did hurts and is not right? 'Be the lady you have always been says' her head, 'keep cool and calm'and everything will fall into place.'
In the previous times, she never looked back until one day the cause of her pain would come and ask for forgiveness - it was an eerie experience and she felt sorry at the state he would be in. His momentary happiness not having lasted long, because breaking a heart or a promise is not easy matter. When she would see how that man she thought was a giant was reduced to a dwarf - she would say thank God I am not the one stuck to this guy. She would grant him forgiveness. This time around it's getting a bit more difficult, she is older and her memory not as elastic enough to blot out the pain. By forgiving she signs her death warrant- can she go through the same process of picking up the pieces on the path to heal her heart! She was young and frail before so she left without putting a fight or was it nasseeb so that she could meet him and he would break her heart too. But why does this need to happen? yes why ? He loves her he says and she loves him back .
She has decided not to exact vengence because that is a bitter medicine, she will forgive because her heart is bigger - because she is a real woman, made of flesh and blood and because she loves him and love requires the ultimate sacrifice- if you think that the object of your life would be happier without you then you learn to let go, even if you know that he is mistaken because his happiness lies with you...
are you getting confused ? come back again to read the stories and judge for yourself.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Pearl's Wisdom
Feeling down lately I've been listening to Nancy Ajram's live album 'El Dounya Helwa' to cheer myself up, when I found myself automatically repeating track number 5- 'illi kan' again and again- but instead of cheering up I started crying.
The words are simply haunting :
اللي كان من قبلك انت
وانت مش جنبي مكنتش عايشة فيه
واللي حيكون بعدك انت لو ماكنتش جنبي
يا ريتني اموت قبليه
انت عارف حبك انت عملي ايه
شفت دنيا احلي م اللي حلمت بيه
مبقتش عارفة انا اتولدت من النهارده
ولا انا لو عشت قبلك عشت ليه ..
احلي حاجة ف عمري حصلت
لما جيت وقولتلي بتحبني
قولي ايه هتمني تاني بعد حبك
يا حبيبي ايه هيهمني
نفسي اعرف بس ايه بيربطني بيك
حاجة اكبر م الغرام شدتني ليك
مبقتش عارفة انا اتولدت من النهارده
ولا انا لو عشت قبلك عشت ليه ..
I then noticed Pearl standing next to me ... looking at me sadly with her big brown eyes and she said but mama : هو خلي يقعد جنبهاعشان ماتموتش
" mama why don't he stay by her side so she doesn't have to die". That was her answer to the refrain يا ريتني اموت قبليه . ... "whatever comes after you, if you are not by my side then may I die before that time comes".
Children understand more than we think and have such simple innocent but logical and true solutions away from all the accumulated prejudices that we acquire when we grow up.
For more Nancy lyrics go to this site.
Feeling down lately I've been listening to Nancy Ajram's live album 'El Dounya Helwa' to cheer myself up, when I found myself automatically repeating track number 5- 'illi kan' again and again- but instead of cheering up I started crying.
The words are simply haunting :
اللي كان من قبلك انت
وانت مش جنبي مكنتش عايشة فيه
واللي حيكون بعدك انت لو ماكنتش جنبي
يا ريتني اموت قبليه
انت عارف حبك انت عملي ايه
شفت دنيا احلي م اللي حلمت بيه
مبقتش عارفة انا اتولدت من النهارده
ولا انا لو عشت قبلك عشت ليه ..
احلي حاجة ف عمري حصلت
لما جيت وقولتلي بتحبني
قولي ايه هتمني تاني بعد حبك
يا حبيبي ايه هيهمني
نفسي اعرف بس ايه بيربطني بيك
حاجة اكبر م الغرام شدتني ليك
مبقتش عارفة انا اتولدت من النهارده
ولا انا لو عشت قبلك عشت ليه ..
I then noticed Pearl standing next to me ... looking at me sadly with her big brown eyes and she said but mama : هو خلي يقعد جنبهاعشان ماتموتش
" mama why don't he stay by her side so she doesn't have to die". That was her answer to the refrain يا ريتني اموت قبليه . ... "whatever comes after you, if you are not by my side then may I die before that time comes".
Children understand more than we think and have such simple innocent but logical and true solutions away from all the accumulated prejudices that we acquire when we grow up.
For more Nancy lyrics go to this site.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Story time
Two years ago, I said " If you want to share your story of whatever nature – even gossip at work- dear Libyan ( others are welcome as well) I’m prepared to post it and be discreet about its owner , it would only be for the edification of our readers, plus a problem shared is a problem halved". My inbox has overfilled, yet I've been too lazy to post more of your emails.
Since I fancy myself a novelist and aspiring writer - I'm going to share the ones I've collected with the other readers- so watch this space again as Violet is back !
Two years ago, I said " If you want to share your story of whatever nature – even gossip at work- dear Libyan ( others are welcome as well) I’m prepared to post it and be discreet about its owner , it would only be for the edification of our readers, plus a problem shared is a problem halved". My inbox has overfilled, yet I've been too lazy to post more of your emails.
Since I fancy myself a novelist and aspiring writer - I'm going to share the ones I've collected with the other readers- so watch this space again as Violet is back !
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Taxis and love stories
Taxi drivers are the same anywhere in the world, and those in Libya do not differ from those in Bangkok it seems with their wish to talk with their customers. Either that or I must be attracting the weirdest characters.
Today since my car was scheduled to be serviced I decided to use a taxi for my various errands. I hailed a cab to return home and usually I like to make my phone calls in the car as this saves time. I left a message on my friend's answer machine and was telling Pearl on the other line that I will soon be home when the driver - let's call him X interrupts me :
Miss - I'd like to take your opinion about something that concerns me and which I believe that you can help me decide on...
me: go ahead
X: I work in a company - this driving thing is a part time job only to make ends meet- and I became involved with a colleague who is already engaged to someone.
me: OK
X: I mean nothing haram - but it started as a friendship and colleagues supporting each other at work and seems to have developped into caring for each other or maybe what they call love ( he is saying this really shyly) - I mean don' t take me wrong but I think I understood that the fiance was forced on her and well anyway now I cannot imagine myself without her.
me ( putting my sunglasses on to cover my eyes as I became uncomfortable) : OK so what can I do for you ?
X: well you see we kind of had a fight and now she is not picking up the phone and sometimes she does pick it up - and you know the more I don't talk to her the more I miss her.
me : OK - ( I guess he just wants someone to share his story with )
X : well - to be honest I love her very much and would marry her straight away if she breaks up her engagement.
me : how generous of you - ok so what's the problem ?
X: the thing is Im afraid that if I marry her I would not be able to help myself to doubt her..
me: now we're talking ..what do you mean?
X: well Im scared that I may be thinking that since she spoke to me while she was engaged she may talk to another man when we are married... are girls like that ? I mean you know you are one..
me : no I am not one , don't bring me as an example so what's your point ?
X: sorry no offense meant I just wanted your opinion - you females talk to each other and maybe you can give me some advice.
me: well this is not about me so don't drag me in it- but basically you love this woman to the point of wanting to marry her and yet despite that you are admitting you most likely will not trust her not to cheat on you since she is 'cheating' on the fiance she does not love even though all you are doing is talking ? and you want me to put your conscience at rest?
Sorry my advice - is twofold : (1) let her ditch her fiance and you marry her and live happily ever after and stop the evil thoughts since she was cheating to talk with you because you love each other or (2) stop all contact with her and let her get on with her life - you should not be involved romantically with a spoken for woman and to be honest she should not have been speaking with you either even if she does not care for her fiance. But leaving him to be with you will be a loss for since your love is no garantie that you will not ruin her life with your doubts. Therefore let her have the security with a man who obviously does wish to marry her.
X: I've thought about all that - but I miss her too much and I want her to start talking to me again as this makes me feel so much better. I'm lost without her in my life. At least let us get back to talking to each other and sharing problems etc...
me: seems to me you are selfish - you want your cake and to eat it? - you want to have the woman in your life because you have gotten used to her as a friend etc.. and you don't want to shoulder the responsibility of a wife, so you won't mind her being with the other man as long as you can have her whenever the whim to talk to her takes you ? wow
X: no - no but I cannot believe what she told me that she will never forget me if we are apart - is it true women don't forget ? I mean you know ...
me : no I don't know ... but if you both love each other than I'm sure like you can't forget her she can't forget you. However, you need to think straight about your objectives. If you want her as mother of your children and companion go get her and stop beating round the bush. If you want a platonic mistress for your own selfish reasons - even if you call that love- then stop it right now. Finally if you love her then you would do what is best for her! May God guide you in the right path my brother and pray to Him a lot. Can you please turn to the right here that's my street.
Now I'm wondering - do I have written on my face marriage counsellor ? His story is not unique it's a classic in Libya. Man loves woman and vice versa but is reluctant to marry her because she spoke with him... therefore she may speak to another man after she secures him as husband. With all due respect, and although I know there are numerous cheating wives, you men forget that she spoke to you because something about you charmed her and she fell in love. Seems it is never a win-win situation..sigh
Taxi drivers are the same anywhere in the world, and those in Libya do not differ from those in Bangkok it seems with their wish to talk with their customers. Either that or I must be attracting the weirdest characters.
Today since my car was scheduled to be serviced I decided to use a taxi for my various errands. I hailed a cab to return home and usually I like to make my phone calls in the car as this saves time. I left a message on my friend's answer machine and was telling Pearl on the other line that I will soon be home when the driver - let's call him X interrupts me :
Miss - I'd like to take your opinion about something that concerns me and which I believe that you can help me decide on...
me: go ahead
X: I work in a company - this driving thing is a part time job only to make ends meet- and I became involved with a colleague who is already engaged to someone.
me: OK
X: I mean nothing haram - but it started as a friendship and colleagues supporting each other at work and seems to have developped into caring for each other or maybe what they call love ( he is saying this really shyly) - I mean don' t take me wrong but I think I understood that the fiance was forced on her and well anyway now I cannot imagine myself without her.
me ( putting my sunglasses on to cover my eyes as I became uncomfortable) : OK so what can I do for you ?
X: well you see we kind of had a fight and now she is not picking up the phone and sometimes she does pick it up - and you know the more I don't talk to her the more I miss her.
me : OK - ( I guess he just wants someone to share his story with )
X : well - to be honest I love her very much and would marry her straight away if she breaks up her engagement.
me : how generous of you - ok so what's the problem ?
X: the thing is Im afraid that if I marry her I would not be able to help myself to doubt her..
me: now we're talking ..what do you mean?
X: well Im scared that I may be thinking that since she spoke to me while she was engaged she may talk to another man when we are married... are girls like that ? I mean you know you are one..
me : no I am not one , don't bring me as an example so what's your point ?
X: sorry no offense meant I just wanted your opinion - you females talk to each other and maybe you can give me some advice.
me: well this is not about me so don't drag me in it- but basically you love this woman to the point of wanting to marry her and yet despite that you are admitting you most likely will not trust her not to cheat on you since she is 'cheating' on the fiance she does not love even though all you are doing is talking ? and you want me to put your conscience at rest?
Sorry my advice - is twofold : (1) let her ditch her fiance and you marry her and live happily ever after and stop the evil thoughts since she was cheating to talk with you because you love each other or (2) stop all contact with her and let her get on with her life - you should not be involved romantically with a spoken for woman and to be honest she should not have been speaking with you either even if she does not care for her fiance. But leaving him to be with you will be a loss for since your love is no garantie that you will not ruin her life with your doubts. Therefore let her have the security with a man who obviously does wish to marry her.
X: I've thought about all that - but I miss her too much and I want her to start talking to me again as this makes me feel so much better. I'm lost without her in my life. At least let us get back to talking to each other and sharing problems etc...
me: seems to me you are selfish - you want your cake and to eat it? - you want to have the woman in your life because you have gotten used to her as a friend etc.. and you don't want to shoulder the responsibility of a wife, so you won't mind her being with the other man as long as you can have her whenever the whim to talk to her takes you ? wow
X: no - no but I cannot believe what she told me that she will never forget me if we are apart - is it true women don't forget ? I mean you know ...
me : no I don't know ... but if you both love each other than I'm sure like you can't forget her she can't forget you. However, you need to think straight about your objectives. If you want her as mother of your children and companion go get her and stop beating round the bush. If you want a platonic mistress for your own selfish reasons - even if you call that love- then stop it right now. Finally if you love her then you would do what is best for her! May God guide you in the right path my brother and pray to Him a lot. Can you please turn to the right here that's my street.
Now I'm wondering - do I have written on my face marriage counsellor ? His story is not unique it's a classic in Libya. Man loves woman and vice versa but is reluctant to marry her because she spoke with him... therefore she may speak to another man after she secures him as husband. With all due respect, and although I know there are numerous cheating wives, you men forget that she spoke to you because something about you charmed her and she fell in love. Seems it is never a win-win situation..sigh
Friday, October 05, 2007
Masochism, bad luck and incorrect choices
The dictionary explains that 'masochism' means any of the following depending on the situation:
1. Psychiatry. the condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering, physical pain, and humiliation.
2. gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one's own actions or the actions of others, esp. the tendency to seek this form of gratification.
3. the act of turning one's destructive tendencies inward or upon oneself.
4. the tendency to find pleasure in self-denial, submissiveness, etc.
1,2, and 3 are clearly out of the equation but could my recurrent failed attempt to find and hold love be an expression of my " tendency to find pleasure in self-denial, submissiveness, etc" ? This is the question that continues to stare at me in space. Could this be the reason the hurt and pain that has constituted the bigger part of my life spent in search of that mate and partner the failure to create a successful team and joint partnership or is it simply down to luck and incorrect choices?
Retrospectively and with hindsight I can pinpoint the exact moment where the detour occurred which launched arelationship into 'destruct mode'. Yet was that moment really my fault, or have I offended Fortuna, Ganesha and Benten simultaneously? o r is there no such thing as bad luck but only God's providence?
Yet I can't help thinking: Where are the real men? Am I condemned to an eternity of hermitage or do eternal and infinite peace lie only in death?
Wishing you all a blissful Eid soon in the company of your loved ones I will be hugging Pearl extra tight tonight.
The dictionary explains that 'masochism' means any of the following depending on the situation:
1. Psychiatry. the condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering, physical pain, and humiliation.
2. gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one's own actions or the actions of others, esp. the tendency to seek this form of gratification.
3. the act of turning one's destructive tendencies inward or upon oneself.
4. the tendency to find pleasure in self-denial, submissiveness, etc.
1,2, and 3 are clearly out of the equation but could my recurrent failed attempt to find and hold love be an expression of my " tendency to find pleasure in self-denial, submissiveness, etc" ? This is the question that continues to stare at me in space. Could this be the reason the hurt and pain that has constituted the bigger part of my life spent in search of that mate and partner the failure to create a successful team and joint partnership or is it simply down to luck and incorrect choices?
Retrospectively and with hindsight I can pinpoint the exact moment where the detour occurred which launched arelationship into 'destruct mode'. Yet was that moment really my fault, or have I offended Fortuna, Ganesha and Benten simultaneously? o r is there no such thing as bad luck but only God's providence?
The third option would be incorrect choice, is it possible for one human being to continue making the wrong choices for decades with history continuing to repeat itself in a predictable manner from the initial spark of attraction to the bittersweet end.
I struggle on a daily basis with these theories, questions like 'what if I had said or not said a particular statement' rise in a crescendo and cascade like hammers on my brain while wave after wave of pain constrict my heart and only recede to die a slow excruciating death on the beaches of my soul, leaving memories of raw flesh exposed and battered by the elements.
It is the last and third leg of Ramadan 2008, I don't want to commit blasphemy by questioning God's wisdom especially when he has these beautiful words for us, urging us not to give up on his Mercy despite our deeds.
قال تعالى: قل ياعبادي الذين أسرفو على أنفسهم لاتقنطو من رحمة الله
I struggle on a daily basis with these theories, questions like 'what if I had said or not said a particular statement' rise in a crescendo and cascade like hammers on my brain while wave after wave of pain constrict my heart and only recede to die a slow excruciating death on the beaches of my soul, leaving memories of raw flesh exposed and battered by the elements.
It is the last and third leg of Ramadan 2008, I don't want to commit blasphemy by questioning God's wisdom especially when he has these beautiful words for us, urging us not to give up on his Mercy despite our deeds.
قال تعالى: قل ياعبادي الذين أسرفو على أنفسهم لاتقنطو من رحمة الله
Wishing you all a blissful Eid soon in the company of your loved ones I will be hugging Pearl extra tight tonight.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Teeanage fantasies
I'm back from the holidays, Egypt was great and we had fun at my uncle's house in Alexandria. Some of my cousins are in their teens and they reminded me of myself at that age.
You know when you hit puberty all sort of emotions start raging inside you and I was not immune to that either. I would fantasize about a guy and usually the daydream would be like a movie with the main character him and me and romantic actions. I would describe this guy to my best friend in great details and she would sigh and laugh at me, then we would giggle. I spent a whole summer looking at magazines to find someone I could relate to. But there would always be a detail missing here and there. So many years have passed since I was 14, more than I care to say but at long last the fantasy has been brought to life. This man is the living incarnation of those fantasies.... what am I going to do knowing this vision is walking the earth !
HELP
I'm back from the holidays, Egypt was great and we had fun at my uncle's house in Alexandria. Some of my cousins are in their teens and they reminded me of myself at that age.
You know when you hit puberty all sort of emotions start raging inside you and I was not immune to that either. I would fantasize about a guy and usually the daydream would be like a movie with the main character him and me and romantic actions. I would describe this guy to my best friend in great details and she would sigh and laugh at me, then we would giggle. I spent a whole summer looking at magazines to find someone I could relate to. But there would always be a detail missing here and there. So many years have passed since I was 14, more than I care to say but at long last the fantasy has been brought to life. This man is the living incarnation of those fantasies.... what am I going to do knowing this vision is walking the earth !
HELP
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Five things you did not know about me
Shlemazl tagged me (thanks), I am so excited as this is the first time someone does ...
(1) I am not that old !
(2) My daughter will soon be as tall as me .
(3) I love tight jeans and miniskirts
(4) I read a lot ( yes I do ! )
(5) I like horses and wish to learn to ride one day.
Whoever has not done this please consider yourself tagged..
Shlemazl tagged me (thanks), I am so excited as this is the first time someone does ...
(1) I am not that old !
(2) My daughter will soon be as tall as me .
(3) I love tight jeans and miniskirts
(4) I read a lot ( yes I do ! )
(5) I like horses and wish to learn to ride one day.
Whoever has not done this please consider yourself tagged..
Saturday, April 07, 2007
'Draw me closer' : don't push away my outstretched hand
I don't kow if you've had the time to check my sidebar ? I've collected a number of interesting (to me and I hope to you as well) bloggers, whose common denominator is romance and erotica..
Sheema Kalbasi is from Iran and How it goes naked is her 'literary journey'.
This is my favourite bit:
"I want to be virgin of all the memories, and the life experiences but you. I want to be a markless paper and be marked by you. I want my past, present, and the future to have your name on it. I want to have a body that can be made love to by you uninterruptedly. I want to have a heart that has one city's name on it, the city where you ARE at any given time. I have been handed this love generation after generation to find you somewhere close or even from far to let you know of the truth. Take away the roaming features of Sizdah Bedar from my memory. I want to survive the aching for my homeland from the edge of this country.
Draw me closer. I love you" [read more]
I don't kow if you've had the time to check my sidebar ? I've collected a number of interesting (to me and I hope to you as well) bloggers, whose common denominator is romance and erotica..
Sheema Kalbasi is from Iran and How it goes naked is her 'literary journey'.
This is my favourite bit:
"I want to be virgin of all the memories, and the life experiences but you. I want to be a markless paper and be marked by you. I want my past, present, and the future to have your name on it. I want to have a body that can be made love to by you uninterruptedly. I want to have a heart that has one city's name on it, the city where you ARE at any given time. I have been handed this love generation after generation to find you somewhere close or even from far to let you know of the truth. Take away the roaming features of Sizdah Bedar from my memory. I want to survive the aching for my homeland from the edge of this country.
Draw me closer. I love you" [read more]
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Soul mates & Endless love : The eternal question ?
I had forgotten Valentine's Day but an hour ago the phone rang, an overseas call since I cannot see the number…
He : Hello sweetheart
Me : Hello
He: I missed your voice and am basically calling to tell you Happy Valentine habibti
Me ( oh my God it's him ) : Thank you …soooo much that is so sweet of you
The rest of the conversation was simply catching up on each others news… that's how life is..
Then a bit later my eyes alight on this piece of news "can you have two soulmates?" this is very weird I ask myself can you love 2 people simultaneously, how can that happen ?
Well, I think there is only one soulmate and you are lucky when/if you get him/her… but folks what do you think ? wanna share ?
In the meantime Ladies and gentlemen allow me to share with you my most favourite Valentine card – it's 22 years old now:
Today, I'm feeling the distance between us a little more than most days..
I'm missing your smile, your touch, your easy ways.
I'm feeling a little lonelier than usual,
thinking of you a little more,
and missing the way I feel when I'm with you.
Today, like everyday that you are away,
I'm missing you and wishing you were here...
only today, I find myself wishing just a little bit more.
(Unknown author)
I had forgotten Valentine's Day but an hour ago the phone rang, an overseas call since I cannot see the number…
He : Hello sweetheart
Me : Hello
He: I missed your voice and am basically calling to tell you Happy Valentine habibti
Me ( oh my God it's him ) : Thank you …soooo much that is so sweet of you
The rest of the conversation was simply catching up on each others news… that's how life is..
Then a bit later my eyes alight on this piece of news "can you have two soulmates?" this is very weird I ask myself can you love 2 people simultaneously, how can that happen ?
Well, I think there is only one soulmate and you are lucky when/if you get him/her… but folks what do you think ? wanna share ?
In the meantime Ladies and gentlemen allow me to share with you my most favourite Valentine card – it's 22 years old now:
Today, I'm feeling the distance between us a little more than most days..
I'm missing your smile, your touch, your easy ways.
I'm feeling a little lonelier than usual,
thinking of you a little more,
and missing the way I feel when I'm with you.
Today, like everyday that you are away,
I'm missing you and wishing you were here...
only today, I find myself wishing just a little bit more.
(Unknown author)
Friday, January 12, 2007
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Men Are Hard To Please
The problems with GUYS:
If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.
If u ARG UE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.
If u don't make love with him., he says u don't Love him;
If u do!! he says u are CHEAP.
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEM A N.
If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!
& sooo hard to please!!!!!
If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true.......
but if u don't, they say u are selfish.....
Guys is this true ???????
The problems with GUYS:
If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.
If u ARG UE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.
If u don't make love with him., he says u don't Love him;
If u do!! he says u are CHEAP.
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEM A N.
If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!
& sooo hard to please!!!!!
If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true.......
but if u don't, they say u are selfish.....
Guys is this true ???????
Friday, December 01, 2006
Training the American male
Michelle Fitoussi , in Elle magazine French version, had an interesting article on page 7 of the July 10 2006 issue ( I know it's funny we are in December and I'm ready the July issue, but I have so much on my plate ... ) So anyway Michelle was speaking about some American writer who wanted to train her man to behave the way she wants to and wrote about it to describe the procedure .
Why waste more time I thought this is cool let me find this article and read it first hand.
Modern Love
What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage
By AMY SUTHERLAND
Published: June 25, 2006
Excerpts
The piece above reminded me so much of how I handle Pearl; praise here , punish here , subtly giving the message , just the usual life of a mother or Supernanny ( do you recall the TV series ? ).
Funnily enough many people wrote to Amy for advice :
It also seems past literatture is ric\ch in books with the same message, such as in 1994 "how to make your man behave in 21 days using the professional dog trainers" - hilarious - what is it with men and dogs ? check the excerpts:
Michelle Fitoussi , in Elle magazine French version, had an interesting article on page 7 of the July 10 2006 issue ( I know it's funny we are in December and I'm ready the July issue, but I have so much on my plate ... ) So anyway Michelle was speaking about some American writer who wanted to train her man to behave the way she wants to and wrote about it to describe the procedure .
Why waste more time I thought this is cool let me find this article and read it first hand.
Modern Love
What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage
By AMY SUTHERLAND
Published: June 25, 2006
Excerpts
"As I wash dishes at the kitchen sink, my husband paces behind me, irritated. "Have you seen my keys?" he snarls, then huffs out a loud sigh and stomps from the room with our dog, Dixie, at his heels, anxious over her favorite human's upset.
In the past I would have been right behind Dixie. I would have turned off the faucet and joined the hunt while trying to soothe my husband with bromides like, "Don't worry, they'll turn up." But that only made him angrier, and a simple case of missing keys soon would become a full-blown angst-ridden drama starring the two of us and our poor nervous dog. Now, I focus on the wet dish in my hands. I don't turn around. I don't say a word. I'm using a technique I learned from a dolphin trainer.[...] I wanted — needed — to nudge him a little closer to perfect, to make him into a mate who might annoy me a little less, who wouldn't keep me waiting at restaurants, a mate who would be easier to love. [...] Eventually it hit me that the same techniques might work on that stubborn but lovable species, the American husband.
The central lesson I learned from exotic animal trainers is that I should reward behavior I like and ignore behavior I don't. [...] You can't expect a baboon to learn to flip on command in one session, just as you can't expect an American husband to begin regularly picking up his dirty socks by praising him once for picking up a single sock.(LOOOOOL) [...]I followed the students to SeaWorld San Diego, where a dolphin trainer introduced me to least reinforcing syndrome (L. R. S.). When a dolphin does something wrong, the trainer doesn't respond in any way. He stands still for a few beats, careful not to look at the dolphin, and then returns to work. The idea is that any response, positive or negative, fuels a behavior. If a behavior provokes no response, it typically dies away. In the margins of my notes I wrote, "Try on Scott! " [...]After two years of exotic animal training, my marriage is far smoother, my husband much easier to love. I used to take his faults personally; his dirty clothes on the floor were an affront, a symbol of how he didn't care enough about me. [...] When the training techniques worked so beautifully, I couldn't resist telling my husband what I was up to. He wasn't offended, just amused. As I explained the techniques and terminology, he soaked it up. Far more than I realized. [...] One morning, as I launched into yet another tirade about how uncomfortable I was, Scott just looked at me blankly. He didn't say a word or acknowledge my rant in any way, not even with a nod.
I quickly ran out of steam and started to walk away. Then I realized what was happening, and I turned and asked, "Are you giving me an L. R. S.?" Silence. "You are, aren't you?"
He finally smiled, but his L. R. S. has already done the trick. He'd begun to train me, the American wife."
The piece above reminded me so much of how I handle Pearl; praise here , punish here , subtly giving the message , just the usual life of a mother or Supernanny ( do you recall the TV series ? ).
Funnily enough many people wrote to Amy for advice :
Dear Amy: How do you get results from stubborn hubbies without being accused of
being the “nagger.” — Gail, Tampa, Fla.
Dear Gail: Simply adopt the approach
progressive animal trainers use: reward behavior you like and ignore, as much as
you can, behavior you don’t. When I did this with my husband, I found that I
almost stopped nagging. Almost, I say, because I am human, after all.
It also seems past literatture is ric\ch in books with the same message, such as in 1994 "how to make your man behave in 21 days using the professional dog trainers" - hilarious - what is it with men and dogs ? check the excerpts:
Doggie Dos and Don'ts: "Gentle strokes and playful petting techniques are
positive motivational techniques for rewarding good behavior."
Flight and Chase Behavior: "If your dog is running away from you, the worst
thing to do is chase after him . . . remain calm, act like you're having loads
of fun without him, and soon he'll be trotting eagerly back ."
Some people compared men to buses - ok less offensive than dog I daresay.
"Bloody men are like bloody buses - you wait for about a year and as soon
as one approaches your stop two or three others appear. Wendy
Cope" check her whole poem here .
That's actually quite appropriate to my earlier Baby post .
Do you think we should treat our men like kids ( or dogs ;-) ) and use all those expert advices on them ?
Why can't men be just like women and you don't need to resort to any stratagems ?
Do you think Amy's method would work on Libyans ? Or Arabs for that matter ?
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