Renunciation

"A love filled heart seeks renunciation".....more on that later ....

Happy New Year to all from Pearl and Violet

The haunting

She spent ten tumultuous years getting over a teenage love, and the next decade getting over her first and what turned out to be only love.

She had buried this fact deep into her soul and so never realized that all she was doing was trying to forget him.

One day like Snow White a kiss by a prince woke her up from the self induced coma. Yet despite the prince's sincere intentions - and those are what counts in fairy tales to perform miracles - he could never be her Prince . Because only the true Prince knew how to kiss her lips till they were bruised with engorged blood and until the ground would disappear from underneath. Only her Prince had the strength to carry her for miles in his arms and only he could rise out of the sea looking like the statue of Adonis come to live ... When she awoke and the last strands of the fog blew away all the bad memories had faded and the good times came to life even more vividly and it suddenly struck her that in all the years she assumed she was unlucky with men she was in truth setting herself up for failure by trying to find him again in another man's eyes when there was and never will be any man like her Man, Prince and King of her soul...

If you found and lost your soulmate once would you have the chance to get him back again ?

The pain seared through her heart and shot through her brain when it dawned on her that she was looking now at a dark precipice - a lifetime needed to get over that loss again. Like the tide and the waves and the song she loved so much the pain webbed and flowed.

Ten years to find out he was always "THE ONE" and to finally admit it so simply how could this happen? Ironically it took him ten years to bridge the gap and grow into the person she knew and predicted he was destined to be, but she was so old now and there was hardly any time left, and he was married...

“love is different than marriage, my love ! Love is forever and ONLY YOU have and will always have my love” - he whispered but she wanted his love and his flesh.

If she were not Muslim she would at least have the solace to believe in reincarnation and another chance....why was life playing such games with her ?

In a flash 30 years would have passed and her life would have gone by without a moment of peace or happiness.... is there a silver lining ? he mentioned wanting to sire a child? Would she accept a polygamous marriage? the prospect of dying without consuming their love was a black hole and she would accept such a marriage to him...

To have the next ten years with him would be perfect but did she have ten years to live still? Only God knew the answer !

Note and question to readers: this is part of my upcoming novel - very first draft so lots of editing , can you help me choose a name for the heroine? the only condition is that it hails from the Middle East or North Africa!

Physical closeness

With each physical separation it gets more and more difficult for lovers to stay without their other half..

I wonder what the readers think ?

Flashback


"You wondered how you'd make it through. I wondered what was wrong with you. Because how could you give your love to someone else, yet share your dreams with me? Sometimes the only thing you're looking for, is the one thing you can't see." Vanessa Williams

Evening classes for men

I could not resist posting - many of them make sense, enjoy and give me feedback please :)

WICOE
(Women In Charge Of Everything)

Is proud to announce the opening of its
EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!
OPEN TO MEN ONLY
ALL ARE WELCOME

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practising with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE;
DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK
OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place
Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming -
Open forum


DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS;
DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH;
BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY
AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS;
BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN
YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES
& CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT;
LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counsellors available

Torn apart or Bound together ?

A few months ago I was watching the trailer for the movie Dear John which is an adaptation of the a novel by Nicholas Sparks of the same name. I remember making a note to myself that it is something I wanted to watch. Then I came across the book itself when transiting through one of the airports in the Middle East recently and decided to buy it.

It is only when I bought that I realized that this was the same author as among other things The Notebook, Nights in Rodanthe, A walk to remember, and for me the utterly famous and heart wrenching Message in a Bottle. Once again I found myself enjoying the tragic drama in the story and somehow being disappointed that there is no happy ending. There never is in his novels.

I've read a criticism of his genre here , and I understand where the author of the article is coming from but I think that if there was no market or need for such stories and if they did not exist then they would not be written. These novels seem to talk about nobility of love and character akin to a Greek tragedy that take you beyond the grave. Reading his books does make one cry at the inevitable and I guess it must be a tribute to his writing skills regardless if people may think that the story is a cliche. I read those books never realising they were by the same author, but only liked the story and what it represented.

There is also a Hindi movie with a vaguely similar theme as the Notebook, which I find myself relentlessly drawn to watch every time.

All this makes me wonder is the fate of LOVE to be torn apart physically yet bound together spiritually forever ? if so then this is indeed very sad and mortals like me will never have a chance at happiness !

Wise words


That's my new resolution in life !

"Never make someone a priority when you are only an option for them." unknown

15 Valentine years

I've shared with you my favourite Valentine card and also my first and most memorable Valentine day. For fourteen years, through hail, snow, rain, sandstorms and long distance he never failed to remember me in some special way on Valentine. I knew this year he would not as my extremely cold replies have finally put some reason into him and he has promised to stop calling me. He needs to think of his wife and not ghosts of love gone bye. I hope their marriage can now flourish.

Fifteen years already - can't believe it's been so long, yet I still feel so young ?

Lipstick theory

I bought a new lipstick yesterday called 'party red' but what drew me to it was the quote on the cover :P

" Men may come and go but lipstick is forever"

Genius !

My 'Big' Purple One

Quality Street Chocolate have a special place in my heart since my childhood years. Those were the chocolates that visitors would bring with them or that we would take with us when we visited someone's house. So it was a treat.


The thing is I did not like all the chocolates in the box. I had my favourites and this is how they were classified :

1. The green triangle
2. The toffee finger
3. The toffee penny
4. The purple one
   
5. The chocolate toffee cup
   

The rest I did not really care about much. Some have been removed to be replaced by others.

Then as I grew older one flavour stood out and I found myself when offered chocolates diving for the purple one ( maybe because they replaced the brazil nut with hazelnut ?) and actually asking for another one. I'm thinking the Nestle people have laced it with some kind of drug , because most people I know now all want the purple one... . I wished that they would make the whole box with individually wrapped purple ones ! How weird to see my wish come true today....

I was happily shopping for tuna fish at the supermarket when Pearl screamed 'mummy I want this !'

My eyes alighted on a giant purple Quality street chocolate for sale! A larger version of my favourite flavour in a box of similar ones...Those people in marketing have really cornered the market ! They must have listened to people's wishes or to the results of the voting campaign: 'what's your favourite?'

The size of the purple one is quite generous and for once I feel satisfied with the taste that I have been craving for so long. DIVINE.

The tag my purple one is catchy and a bit corny too .Of course the wrapper being my favourite colour has nothing to do with it :P

Want to share your favourite chocolate ?

Happy New Year from Pearl and Violet

Letting go: The (still) married lover


You are always advised not to get involved with a married man no matter how much you are or think you are in love, especially if he has children….

When they met, he was separated. Separated for us in the Arab world means divorced; in the West it means that the couple is for the time being not living together and at the same time not legally divorced. When they fell in love, he was on the verge of divorcing then something happened. Her love brought him the stability and friendship he sought and he reconsidered his separation status. His wife suddenly decided to move back with him to another continent and a hostile environment because at her age it was better than starting over with two kids and she was still getting her way.

When they met the first time in Europe, he said "I love you, but I cannot make any promises until my life is back in order, as I have two little children to take care of"

When they met the second time in Asia, he said "Wife has moved to my country and it is a joy to watch my kids thrive again and feel stable. I no longer fight with her, and though the sex is clinical, my work keeps me going and my joy at protecting the children. I'm looking into figuring out a solution that will not put their future at risk but although I'd love to have you for me, please don't wait if you have a chance"

When they met the third time in Europe again it was for one day only and there was barely time to stock on love to keep one going …

When they met the fourth time it was between airports because he has cancelled their meeting for family obligations and when she saw him she noticed immediately how old he had grown… Was this the same man she loved ? she looked beyond the white hair and the large paunch at the kind turquoise eyes. He still was very fit wit well defined muscles, still tall and well built, but he definitely was older. " 50 years old!" she caught herself thinking, Would she want to be with him now that his best years have been with another woman?
He was sorry that it was all he could manage and he promised to dedicate a special time for them to meet again and discuss the future but again he said " I'm still trying to figure away that would not harm my children!"

From the time of their first meeting she told herself that if she encountered a man with whom she felt she would be happy she would not wait for the turquoise eyes to alight on her again. She dated a number of men, all interesting and all successful but they never ticked all the right boxes. And she went on basking in that halo of love that's been bridging 10 years of longing. Ten interminable years of yearning to live together yet knowing somewhere deep inside that it was not going to happen.

The day she held her own child in her arms she finally understood ….She understood that he was not going to leave his kids at least until they were over 18 and provided for. Yes he was frail and human and he fell in love with another woman who was not his wife. She had caught him during the male menopause years and he had outgrown that and calmed down and resigned to making a life for his kids. Plus being 50 meant he would soon be less passionate romance/sex and just content because he still had access to his wife's bed and what does a man want but somewhere to put his weary body? She had learned that the hard way from a younger man who professed eternal love but could not keep his promise. He said at the end of the day, we men just want somewhere to rest …love .. romance etc.. that's just lies..

Cradling her child she knew it was not going to happen and when he phoned her to talk about setting up that meeting, her mouth said "sure that would be great my love", but her heart and head said in unison " why waste a perfectly good holiday for something that will never see the light – you should be concentrating your energy on the one who is available, has no baggage – you live forever".

We hold to each other and think that time stops, but we grow and mature and understand that even in Love there is no black and white. You did not want to live with the guy without marriage and he was not ready to dispose of his old life to marry you.
You can go on loving fiercely but you can have a beautiful, successful and fulfilled life with a partner whom you may not love passionately at first but whom you are sure that he will grow old with you and your child. So you look with tenderness at that snapshot taken 10 years ago during the first candle lit dinner with your lover. The beautiful skin, flushed and rosy with love, the bright sparkling eyes, the way his arm is wrapped possessively around your waist, the way your head is tilted towards his chest and you wish that couple good luck in the next life.

Don't ever fall in love with a married man no matter how unhappy he says he is because he will never leave on his own unless you are prepared to fight for him and break his marriage. NOT all women are ready to do that !

There is no bitterness because he was a gentleman and a best friend and most of all he never made promises. Having reached this stage you know you are ready to let go in peace.

A come back joke : Choosing your man for happiness- the ultimate guide 

I thought it would be best to return to blogging with a little poke at Libyan men.

Please don't be offended as we love you very much!

My question is are these characteristics true ?

دليل السعادة .. في اختيار الرجل

 

   من تحب الجود والكرم..تأخذ خليجي

 من تحب النفخة....تأخذ تركي

 من تحب الجدية.....تأخذ انجليزي

من تحب الجبنة...تأخذ فرنسي

 من تحب الصبر والجلد...تأخذ هندي

من تحب قلة العقل...تأخذ صيني

 من تحب التكنولوجيا...تأخذ ياباني

 من تحب الجاذبية...تأخذ اسباني

 من تحب المكرونه.....تأخذ ايطالي

من تحب البساطة...تأخذ هولندي

  من تحب العشق و الدلال...تأخذ لبناني

 من تحب السحر...تأخذ مغربي

 من تحب ثقل الدم..تأخذ اردني 

من تحب الكسل.....تأخذ سوداني

         من تحب النكد...تأخذ فلسطيني    

 من تحب الخشونة تأخذ سوري

من تحب الكلام العسل تاخد مصري 

^      واللي تبي الأجر تأخذ

 ليبي

ولها ثواب كبير إن شاء الله

A great summer

Thanks to all friends who have written to ask about me and Pearl! We are enjoying the summer vacation together and will be back with more stories soon.

Have a great summer !

The High School Crush and the Inner Sanctuary


It was a new school which meant she was a little apprehensive about how will her classmates be. “Will they accept me? Will I like them? What should I wear for my first day at school?” She thought.

She could still remember like it was yesterday the skin tight faded jeans with the matching jacket full of golden buttons a la Michael Jackson, not sure why she wore high heels as well and a little bit of lip gloss – maybe to add what she thought would be glamour and sophistication..

She walked into the classroom and everyone was already greeting each other, the girls were hugging and kissing and the guys hi-fiving, for a split second she was afraid and then she walked to the girls and introduced herself. That’s when she heard him say ‘what a gorgeous ass and look at those legs man!’. She turned around and there he was looking at her with his mischievous smile his long silky black hair covering one eye. Her heart missed a beat and never recovered for the rest of the year as she watched him date the other girls then cry on her shoulder when they would break up. That was the year she learnt the term patience …and to weave fairy tales.

Twenty five years later…Sitting laughing and chatting with a group of friends at the restaurant, she noticed a tall gentleman two tables removed from her party. She could only see his broad back, but the shine of the hair and its colour caught her eye. She was engrossed in the conversation and gesticulating for emphasis when she felt someone gently tap on her shoulder. She turned around, surprise and a little bit annoyed ‘yes? What can I do for you?’

Mariam? He said you ARE Mariam? She looked hard into his face, it’s been a long time and his hair was now no longer like that of a rebel, but that lopsided mischievous smile was still there. Her heart missed a beat again and all those feelings bottled up by the 15 year old rushed into the heart of the woman. But that woman carried unfulfilled romantic desires and she allowed herself to believe those fairy tales weaved a quarter of a century ago. In that one second she thought that dreams actually come true if you waited long enough. It was as if the time apart never happened, they picked up naturally where they left. How do you make a man see you as a woman and not as a friend? And why did he suddenly appear? It must be a sign.. Unfortunately that 15 year old had never left her…A whole year passed like a bullet train and as much as she wanted to, there was nothing she could do except be the friend he wanted and accompany him for that journey in time in the hope he will wake up and realize that the woman he has been describing to her while he was checking out potential brides was her.

So she decided to give it one more try if that did not work she would walk out once and for all – damn those fairy tales in her mind; she had lived without him a lifetime she could continue to do so. Friendship could be a good basis for love but she did not have all the time in the world that the 15 year old had and she did not want to be around to be invited at his wedding that would be really be ironic.

A golden opportunity came their way and she vowed to make the best of it, this was going to be the make or break time. As if by fate their vacations coincided with each other and they were able to spend even more time together than then ever did. They were constantly doing stuff together and talking at all hours of the day and night. There should be a moment where she could crack that shield and let him see she was a female no?

He had surprised her by suggesting a picnic and she went to meet up with him on that beach. She was walking towards him in the warm sand, and noticed that he had used the time waiting for her to prepare a lovely picnic breakfast, tuna, cheese, olives, eggs, tea, juice, honey, milk, fruits and freshly baked bread which he just bought from the bakery and had spread a chequered burgundy and white sheet on the beach . She thought it was as romantic as it gets and he was looking at her smiling and beckoning with a debonair expression. How dashing he looked, his Ipod was blasting Pavarotti’s Nessun Dorma from the speakers…she thought it must be a hint…It seems his mobile rang because she saw him pick it up and laugh and talk excitedly. She reached him just in time to overhear him say ‘ I love you too honey, only one month and you will grace your new home…’ Then he put the phone down and looked at Mariam again. ‘Remember Dania from my cousin’s birthday party? We’re buying the wedding dress from France next week.! Oh Mariam, wish me luck I’m so happy, she is beautiful you will just love her’

She felt the dagger turn in her heart how could she be so wrong? But no he never said anything to her that could be construed as the shadow of a hint. Maybe once when he was particularly down he revealed more than he should and had a spontaneous moment.. The rest of the day went in stupour. She made all the right moves and correct replies, but the heart was no longer in it. She had thrown the dice and taken her chance and lost. The 15 year old inside crumbled and died. Now was the time for a prompt and discreet retreat. He must never know what she felt for him ever! It must remain buried as the high school crush it was all along. In terms of closure it could not get as clear or more melodramatic that this.

If she wanted the friendship to remain unscathed and thrive, she had to give him space and make space for herself. He will be too busy now to notice her absence anyway.

Meanwhile she will busily be exploring the inner sanctuary…

The inner sanctuary

It was difficult the first day, you want to reach out then you hold back, one hour, two hours , 24 hrs. Your milestone is 48hrs, the longing subsides and it becomes less painful to think about it...that's when you agree that friendships too need breathing space to thrive.

Then one day you wake up and you find total peace... that is the final inner sanctuary!

The uses of Facebook and other online social networks


In the Arab world traditions have it that whenthere is intent for marriage, the family of the groom usually asks about the bride and her family. They ask neighbours, work colleagues, school and do a little investigation about her suitability. But the girl's family also asks about the groom and his family so that there will be no surprises later. Some brides were known to refuse the offer if the suitor drinks (even socially) and is perfect in every other aspect as an example. Or maybe the marriage request is pulled of the table if the girl had been engaged before. It all depends on personal preference but basically it is about suitability and beeing of equal standing and peers in the society and not just about knowing if the girl has slept around or if the guy is a drug addict. My online friend T sent me this cartoon ( thanks ) and although I laughed at first, its significance struck me as being totally in sync with the times do you know why ? first let me say briefly what it means for those who can't read Arabic ....

Black and white cartoon: In the past
" You know what, before we go and ask for her hand let's go and ask about her and her parents for their neighbours and hopefully it will be good!"

Colour cartoon : In the present

"Don't tell your parents about her yet man, why dont you probe about her on facebook, check her profile, pictures, list of friends and who sent her flowers. Then investigate in Hi5 and it won't be wrong to Google her name see what comes up ... I mean I don't have anything specific on her, but you never know!"

Ironically this is exactly what happened to one of my neighbours, someone proposed to her and she and her cousin checked his profile on Facebook, he had 130 friends and they were all female :P.

Suffice to say that she was not too pleased about this... I don't know what happened afterwards.

Being anorgasmic

Could not reaching an orgasm for women be physiologic and not psychological?

"They did these tests in women who didn't have orgasms and they found that these nerves were different or weakened in the women who had no orgasms. There was a physiological difference between women who could have orgasms and women who couldn't have orgasms. In other words, there was something different about them"

That's what the article implies here.

Any feedback from the readers experience ?

Um Rayed's visit to her son abroad!

Rayed is studying abroad and his mum has come to visit him. To her surprise she is also greeted by his roomate Natasha. The rest to be followed in Arabic...

ما عرفت شو تساوي بس لاحظت إن (ناتاشا ) اللي متشاركة مع ولدها بالغرفه حلوة
... و جذابة... ،،،
فـتوقعت إن في علاقة بينهم ، وهالشي خلاها تحس بالفضوووووول الشديد .........

رائد قدر يقرا أفكار أمه، و تصرف بسرعة، وقال لأمه : أنا عارف شو اللي قاعده
بتفكري فيه،
بس حبيت أطمنك إني انا و ناتاشا مجرد زملاء، متشاركين بالغرفه لا أكثر ولا أقل

المهم بعد فترة رجعت أم رائد على بيتها
بعد شي أسبوع ... ناتاشا قالت لرائد : من يوم سافرت أمك من عنا و أنا
فاقده الطاسه الفضيه تبعت السكر ... تعتقد أمك خذتها معاها ؟
رائد قال : أشك بهالشي، بس خليني أرسل لها أيميل عشان أتأكد ، قعد و كتب
الإيميل لأمه -

أمي الحبيبه:
أنا ما أقول إنك ( أخذتي ) طاسة السكر الفضية من بيتي ... ولا أقول إنك (ما
خذيتيها )،
بس الحقيقه إن الطاسة الفضيه تبعت السكر ضاعت من أول ما رجعتي الأردن .
تحياتي ...
رائد

بعد كم يوم ، وصل له رد أمه على الإيميل و الرد يقول :
عزيزي رائد:
أنا ما أقول إنك ( تنام ) مع ناتاشا، ولا أقول إنك (ما تنام ) معاها ...
بس الحقيقه تقول ..
إن لو هي تنام على سريرها الخاص، كان لقت طاسة السكر الفضيه عليه من أول ما
رجعت أنا للأردن.

تحياتي . أمك يا حمار

The path to true love



"Novak states no amount of speed-dating, set-ups or online questionnaires will help you find a good love match until you deal with your own issues. You have to find yourself before you can find love" [read rest of article here]

I think I finally found an answer to my mistakes :P

Have you found yours ?

Happy Mother's Day,

It's both children's day and mothers' day in Libya this weekend so all of us are taking mum and our kids out.

Have a fun and happy day !