Friday, February 27, 2009

The Politics of Love

The first week at university is the week where you not only learn about the building and the campus and make friends but it is the one during which you receive an induction about life.

For me it was the third day that was most significant, that was the day when 5 or 6 girls took me aside and told me that if you don't secure a guy from the beginning you are not going to get married anytime soon. Violet! they said forget about honesty and love and play the game, don't be too smart even if you are in a faculty were only the smartest are accepted, if you like someone don't show it yet at the same time pay attention to him, feign innocence even if you want to go to bed him there and then. Say no all the time not in the name of morality and purity but just so he can think you are pure and virginal. At least if you want to marry him. If you follow this prescription you will get any man for keeps. Libyan men don't really care if you love them or not, all they care about is if you tick the right trigger points in their imagination.

I thought that was such a cynical piece of advice, but with hindsight I would say it does not only apply to Libyan men but probably all men. I find it sad that one needs to play a game to be with a man you love and know you are right for him and he right for you.

All those girls ended up married just after they graduated even though they dated several guys at the same time.

Then I read a post by Shams-she has made the same observation about the advice those girls gave me.

"You were brought up with virtues of honesty, bravery and principles, but when the heartache begins, you know that you offered the utmost idealism and honesty of all, and you forgot war is man, and man is war of think attraction is spontaneous, and all the natural chemistry of two civilized beings, you mistaken, attraction is politics of hide and seek and the use of imagination to obstruct reality...Reality for man does not see romance in daylight, only through beams of illusions [...] you want your heart to speak in truth, you want your hands to stretch in liberty to his use, you want to reach deep in your feminine side, you want to give and give and love... I then apologize for your idealists shortcoming for he is an animal, he would not understand truthful civilization, he wants the game, the challenge, the risk, the caveman life... the exception are only for the enlightened, kind ones, and you can count few, almost a myth .[sic]"

Those enlightened men are rare and far between one can almost forget about them just like my legendary dragon. I still have not learned to play the game, and I refuse to play it.


مفقود said...

Ouch !!
Politics of Love, it is more like "the art of war".

i think we do over complicate the basics.

i do not have something serious to add here, just wanted to pass by and say hello :)

ibeebarbie said...

Salam Violet,
Once again so well thought out and written. I would have to agree based on my own experience as well that it's indeed a game of hunting and gathering. And sadly enough I have yet learned how to play or should I say "to be hunted".

I was even once told that if perhaps I "dumbed myself up" my chances would probably improve. LOL

Luna said...

Hi Violet ,
This is a fantastic topic which I too, experienced ,with my daughter.

My comment is too long to post... so I have tagged you and commented on my blog,hope you dont mind ..

Take care

Libyan Violet said...

Mafkoud as always you show up when I think of you most :)

Ibeebarbie- in my next life maybe I'll learn the 'hunted' part :P I tried being dumb and it was a fiasco - long story lol.

Luna thanks so much sweetie that's a pleasure- my reply is right there on your blog as well.

Romana said...

right on, right on, right on!!! i dont have the words to describe how i totally agree with every word you wrote!

I might come off as silly, but I heard this line on Grey's Anatomy that cant be more true "It's all about the chase"

It never ceases to amaze me how men's brains operate... be yourself and they'll walk all over you, be a mean bi*** and they'll worship you... a friend of mine once told me "I dont know how men and women can co-exsist when God has created us so bi-polar!"

everything isnt this extreme, but men are men... and we're their cute little game...

ok, enough rambling! great post, loved it :) hope you and pearl are doing great

مفقود said...

Telepathy RULEZ!!
you should do it more often :)

Libyan Violet said...

Romana, you may wish to check Luna's post, interesting things there :).
Pearl is doing very well thanks. I'm not good at the chase thingy and I'm too old for that now ;)