Sunday, October 05, 2008

Never met a lady like you

Sometime last August the phone rang, I expected it to be him because his birthday was coming up and he usually always calls me around that time. It was A as I expected but he was calling because his grandmother passed away and he wanted to share this with me.

I knew Mammy Eve very well, she had come to our house to ask for my hand for her grandson. She was a strong personality and her household ran like clockwork until she fell ill.
It was sad that Mammy Eve died that was one more link to the past that has been severed. There is a photo of me sitting next to her at A's cousin's wedding and we all look so happy...

I knew how much she meant to A - I mean she brought him up. He was asking should he travel home even though she was already buried? and I told him no- there is no need, stay with your wife and children. He then wished me a Ramadan Mbarak and hung up.

During Eid the phone rang again and I knew it was A this time; only he calls at these weird hours, so getting a call at 3.00 AM my time meant it was him in America. I hung up on him as I did not know what to say at 3 in the morning...tonight he calls again at 1.00 AM and I decide to answer.

He: Eid Mubarak Violet
Me: kol am we enta bikheir A.
He: I know it's late, I'm sorry but you are always on my mind and I wanted to wish you a happy Eid. Let me speak English a bit with you my dear. I miss you very much, do you even miss me at all ?
Me: hmm sorry A this is embarassing and we've been through this before, hope your kids and family are all well.
He: don't get me wrong please- I'm not talking about the flesh, I miss your sweet soul, I have never seen a lady like you in my whole life even though I have met many women after you left me..including my wife.. you are just different. There is this sweetness that I cannot describe and the voice I can never forget. Please allow me to remain near you at least in thought. Do you ever regret breaking up? What would have happened if you married me ?
Me: No regrets I said hesitantly because if I married you, you would not be where you are now and I would not have achieved what I have now.
He: I would give that up gladly to be with you again. I have grown more and I would like to have you in my life to be my mentor if nothing else will you be that please? I need you ...
Me: sure as long as I live if you need help I will help you but now I really need to hang up it's getting late..
He: I love you Violet, always did, always will.. the time is not erasing it like you promised it would. Wife, children, hectic life beat in the West, studies and responsibilities are not deleting a single sound bite from the track in my mind ... Please know that in me you have a trustworthy person if you ever felt like talking about anything that worries or bothers you just let me know...
Me: Ok good night A.

It's actually very weird that he phoned, as I've been finding myself extremely emotional lately, wanting to talk but not sure who to talk with anymore. Female best friends were too busy with their own lives and anyway they are probably not too interested to talk to their single friend Violet. Probably afraid I will jinx their happy family or something.

I can't expect him to be available all the time either as he already does so much for me so no need to drag him back when he needs to move on with his life especially that my stories are not earth shattering but just ordinary blues resulting from love deprivation. But I've been feeling melancholic lately and I did recall A and allow myself to think "what if"? would life have been different ? Should I have been more patient? He did love me sincerely that was sure . He also did not care about my age and even now 10 years and a kid later he still thinks I'm the prettiest Libyan girl. Love must be blind.

While on the topic of phone calls, he too called me the day before but at a more decent hour of course. Just wanted to wish me Eid Mubarak.

Life is really ironic, everyone remembered all the special occasions and got in touch except for one person. Maybe he does not see me as the unique lady described by the others :P - mind you I am aware that the others do have a life of their own ....

Hey if this post does not make sense and you feel it is mixing up too many unrelated stories, don't blame me ! Blame Bollywood, I have been overdosing on Zee Aflam movies for the last couple of months to the extent that I'm back thinking that true love, soul mates, sacrifice etc.. actually exist...and that people will burst instantly into singing. Piyar Piyar, tumhare muhabbat ke he ...Damnit I caught myself talking in Hindi/Urdu now too .... :))


a_akak said...

Eid Mubarik :)

I agree that the heart does linger behind and sometimes does not want to detach itself from certain individuals as the bonds that were formed were very strong and based on the purest and sincerest feelings of love and admiration, however, as we grow part (for one reason or another) we have to "redefine" these relations especially when one gets married as it is unfair on the future wife/partner that he does revisit these feelings and as a man a would ask "A" if he would be happy if the tables were to be turned? I know these words might be harsh but i apologize ... As humans we dont have an erase button that just deletes what we feel and I dont think anyone would ask that we do BUT BUT BUT we have to live despite and around these feelings for our own sake and for the sake of those who have entered into our lives

i am sorry if i went over board

Fe Aman Allah

Elixir said...

Eid saaid
I think that Mr:K seeks for happiness but he doesn't think to make it, and I read :"If you love some 1 you have to let it go to see if there is anything to keep hold off"
so the wise choice for him to let it go and to discover the real happiness by making his family happy and devote his life for this target, and then he will find what he is looking for.
-sorry I didn't mean to displace you as his "mentor" .
-and tell me from where have you collected all this vocabulary that make me think that my English will be better after a century.
happy Eid Violet

Libyan Violet said...

Akak, thanks my friend and sorry for this late reply. I wish we had that erase button :P and no you did not go overboard as I like your honest comments.

Libyan Violet said...

Elixir thank you for sharing your opinion, as for the vocabulary *blush* :P just keep on reading books . Thanks for the compliment.

abdullah SH said...

iam `e akak sorry sis he `s married
evn thrs alot of lobe here bt believe me nt evrything is love u must thinking in other parts in ths cycle his wife ,, childreen i think he makes u feel controversial feelings at ths time bt u deserve one who let u `e new life nt keep u life in his troubles & his past
sorry bt u wll life always n his past cuz u know thrs childreen here & evry second wll face u ths issue ..

wish god give u forgtness 2 start ur life again & concentrate on ur new chalnged in evry where


Libyan Violet said...

Hi Abdullah Sh, thanks for your wishes and hope all will be well.